Desperation in Tune
by Moro-moro
Summary: In a world of disapointments, grief, and lies, how will the hearts progress? Forgiveness and love are essintial to live on. Series of songficlets, KuroFai. Chapter Ten, Savin' Me: As the Gothix go to Celes, Kurogane finally realizes why Fai needs saving.
1. Chapter 1: What I've Done

**_A/N: Geeze, I hate transcribing my scribbles. My comp's still not fixed, because my entire family is being lazy... Anyway, this is a series of different songficlets that I've written, and don't feel like publishing as one-shots. I may eventually tie them together somehow. They all focus on Fai and Kurogane and their relationship and pasts and such. There will be spoilers. REVEIW! _**

_The song I used in this chapter is "What I've Done" by Linkin' Park. Lyrics are included for literary purposes._

* * *

**Chapter One: What I've Done**

_I want to leave… This world, this life… _

_But if I say goodbye, there will be no reason for it, because I must stay. _

_Thoughts like these swim in my mind, confusing me even more. All I can understand, all that is coherent is… _

_**They know. They know! **_

* * *

The boy looked down once more at his bloody brother.

"… I am Fai…" he whispered.

He crossed himself out, thinking it would erase what he did, so he could strive to fix it without being himself, without the guilt. It was a way of letting go.

Yuui killed himself, just as he killed his brother.

He hoped that he would not have to face himself as Yuui until the day he resurrected his other half.

With that hope, he stepped into the life of lies and hollow smiles. Into a life that most should never face, but the emptiness was better than what he had, and he found truth in his assumed self.

But slowly, it faded, and the line he had drawn so definitely began to blur. Truth became lies and the lies became truth. And he began to regret.

Sorrow panged into his heart every time he smiled, every time he heard his name. There were times where he wanted most of all to sit and cry, let his smile falter and fall to the ground, his sobs breaking the fragileness that was his current self.

Then there was the chance to die.

As he lay limply on the pathways underground in Acid Tokyo, he began to think, feeling leaving him with his blood.

_This must be what I deserve. So I will die as him… Twice dead, twice born. _

The world faded to black, and he begged to die. It would be easier, and it would be better.

Because once again, he made such another stupid mistake, one that would once more cost lives of those that he cared for.

And caring was a mistake in itself.

_I am stupid, stupid, stupid! I know what I cause, and I know why I'm here… _

Even though the witch said it wasn't the same as back then… He knew, one day that it would become the same. He was sure that she knew too.

It would be better for him to die, than for them to die because of him.

Because he was a coward who would rather run than face who he was. He ran from his brother by taking his name; he ran from Ashura by going to different worlds; he ran from relationships by gently pushing his comrades away with his smile; now he was running away from it all by letting himself die.

Then… as he felt himself drift away, something fell into his mouth, and pain shocked through his body. He heard someone cry out and a command to hold him down.

… _That idiot… that ninja must have… Even though I told him not to! _

As he dreamt, he knew he was too close. Too close to them. He could never forgive himself, but most importantly the one who must keep him alive. The closeness, the friendship… it brings only pain.

And then…

"Waiting is more painful than going together."

What was he waiting for anyway? Why did fate have it in hand for him to live?

Even though they appreciate him being alive, it just made him feel all the worse.

* * *

"The past doesn't matter!"

He stilled, listening to the words ring out across the castle, overpowering the crashing of the memory spell.

The past… doesn't matter?

"Wh-what?"

Kurogane looked fiercely down at the magician, who was weakly looking up.

"The past doesn't change you. It's useless to feel sorry for yourself over something that can't be changed."

For a long moment, the blonde looked absolutely horror-struck… then, he shattered.

Sobs spilled from the man, and he curled against himself on the cold marble.

Kurogane leaned down and put a hand on the man's shoulder.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

He truly meant it… He decided then and there… He'd start over again; for real this time.

Sure there would be pain, but he could stop running and hurting those he'd inadvertently grown close to. It could finally end… The first step was to forgive himself.

Himself as Yuui.

"Thank you for telling me that," he whispered, slowly smiling.

* * *

_In this farewell_

_There's no blood_

_There's no alibi_

_'Cause I've drawn regret_

_From the truth_

_Of a thousand lies_

_So let mercy come_

_And wash away_

_What I've done!_

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done!_

_Put to rest_

_What you thought of me_

_While I clean this slate_

_With the hands_

_Of uncertainty_

_So let mercy come_

_And wash away_

_What I've done!_

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done!_

_For what I've done_

_I start again_

_And whatever pain may come_

_Today this ends!_

_I'm forgiving what I've done_

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done!_

_What I've done_

_Forgiving what I've done_


	2. Chapter 2: Paint it Black

**A/N: I've always liked this song... and I realized that it plus an insane-ish Fai could make a good story... but it kinda lost it's flare near the end, because I realized I was rambling, and I was trying to write a World History essay at the same time... Augh. I think I may turn the idea into a full-fledged story at one point... I don't know. I just don't particularly care much for this one; but that's why I made this little story-thing, so you all could read my random drabbles... But please review. It means a lot to me when you do. :grins like a maniac: **

**The song used is "Paint It Black" by The Rolling Stones. Lyrics are included for literary purposes.**

* * *

**Chapter Two: Paint It Black**

Fai lie on the floor, letting the liquid that spattered the ceiling drip down and slide down his face, coloring him black as night, black as coal. An old paintbrush lay in his limp hand, and the evidence of an unbolted tantrum covered the room.

Black paint dripped from the walls, tarring against itself, gummy and matted to the touch. Broad strokes covered the room, pathetic strips of white peeking out where the mage had missed spots.

The ceiling resembled an inkblot pattern, where Fai had thrown the rest of the paint up onto it, trying to banish the white that so mocked him.

Black, black, black! Everything must be black! He gave a choked sob, seeing the uneven whiteness on the walls. He struggled upward, only to fall back, his body rebelling against his mind. He closed his eyes, seeking inner darkness.

_It must match, must match! _

So there he lay in the dark, the damp _drip drip drip _of paint from the ceiling lulling the half-crazed wizard into the fatigue he should have felt hours before.

A black tear rolled down from a sightless eye and Fai finally fell asleep for the first time since Celes.

* * *

"Look, witch, he's half-crazy! You must help him!" Kurogane growled, glaring down at the seated woman. 

Yuuko sipped her sake, unbothered by the ninja's gruffness. "He must help himself," she said. "You may help as well. I can do nothing more for him."

"You've not done anything! All you've done is lock him up in that room!"

"To keep him from harming himself."

Kurogane seethed as he turned on his heel and stomped off.

A look of tenderness entered onto Yuuko's face. "I do hope you can bring that child happiness. Such suffering should not be allowed in life." She sighed and shook her head, remembering the state that they had all arrived back at her shop; bloody and bruised, unconscious, and then there was Fai…

* * *

There was a noise. In his shallow sleep Fai frowned. Who was in his room? Was it the witch…? It must be because she was the only one to come see him after they came back to her shop. He had a wish, she must know. 

"I want to die; I wish for you to kill me," he rasped, his voice dry and dusty from misuse.

"Shut up."

Fai opened his eye, shocked. "K-K… Kurogane…"

He watched in horrified anguish as the ninja sat next to him. "What the hell did you do to the room?" he grumbled, surveying the messily painted walls and ceiling. His red eyes flicked to the light bulb shattered in the socket, then finally fixed on the black-spattered magician.

"…it's… black…"

"Why?"

Fai scowled, sitting up blearily. He leaned against the wall, the fabric of his clothing sticking to the tacky paint. Why was he talking to him? Why wasn't he mad?

The blonde man brought his knees up to his chin, biting his lip. He just wouldn't answer, and then Kurogane would get mad, and then leave. It would be like the game… that game to see who could be quiet the longest, and Fai was sure he'd win.

Kurogane scowled and reached out. He pulled Fai towards him. "Answer me, mage," he growled.

"Because it matches," Fai answered, smiling in a demented sereneness.

The ninja stared in horror at the emptiness of Fai's face. The man was limp like a doll, and his face, all for the smile, was devoid of emotion.

"It matches how utterly black my heart is…"

Kurogane let go of the man, and he fell back into the position he was in before. He stood and paced angrily around the room.

Everything was black, no light, no white… Fai kept his empty smile on his face. Now that everything was black, maybe he could fade into the darkness… and no one would ever notice him again. No one would ever care enough to come near, and he wouldn't hurt any one else. He could forget about everything…

"What kind of shit are you spouting?" A crack resounded through the room, and a searing light blasted into the darkness.

Fai looked up, eye watering. Kurogane had found the window he had painted over days ago. He winced, not at the light, but at the sight of his companion's bruised and bandaged body. "Go away," he whispered.

How could he have done that? Why? Why did he let himself be used as a vessel of death?!

_"Surely you hate me."_

He curled against the wall, retreating back to a child, scared and hurt; loveless and uncared for.

Kurogane gave a noise of disapproval. "Quit imagining things, idiot."

Upon being ignored Kurogane rolled his eyes. "I don't hate you. You're annoying as hell, but…"

Fai felt a warm hand against his cheek, and he leaned into the touch.

"But I wish that you'd actually be happy." Kurogane carefully wiped away some of the black paint from Fai's cheek, then withdrew his hand. "I'm going to let you think."

And then he left, leaving Fai alone in his black-painted prison, the light he introduced filling the room and the wizard's heart.

* * *

_I see a red door and I want it painted black__  
__No colors anymore I want them to turn black__  
__I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes__  
__I have to turn my head until my darkness goes_

_I see a line of cars and they're all painted black__  
__With flowers and my love both never to come back__  
__I see people turn their heads and quickly look away__  
__Like a new born baby it just happens ev'ry day_

_I look inside myself and see my heart is black__  
__I see my red door and it has been painted black__  
__Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts__  
__It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black_

_No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue__  
__I could not foresee this thing happening to you_

_If I look hard enough into the settin' sun__  
__My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes_

_I see a red door and I want it painted black__  
__No colors anymore I want them to turn black__  
__I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes__  
__I have to turn my head until my darkness goes_

_Hmm, hmm, hmm..._

_I wanna see it painted, painted black__  
__Black as night, black as coal__  
__I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky__  
__I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black__  
__Yeah!_


	3. Chapter 3: It's All Over

**_A/N: Good gosh, it's been a while. I am so sorry, guys! Ho, hum, school has come. I don't get too much time to really write, so these things take such a long time! And it doesn't help that I've started and stopped, like, a bazillion stories for this! So, this chapter!!  
_**

**_Kinda Kuro-centric, dark-fluff with mentions of alcoholism and drug use. Short, with KuroFai-ness to the song "It's All Over" by Three Days Grace, from the album One-X. (Lovely album, I'll be using a lot of songs from it in here.) It's not been edited profusely, so there may be the occasional error, do forgive. _**

**_I'm thinking of introducing some Sakura/Syaoran stuff into this, because I have a wonderful idea for the song "Hero"…_

* * *

**

**Chapter Four: It's All Over**

It hurt the swordsman to see Fai like this; half-drunk and high, depressed and dejected, and absolutely-fucking-idiotic. So here he was, another night, yanking the blonde's hand away from the half-empty bottle, pulling him away from the drug vendors, and putting up with the magician-turned-vampire's cursing snarls and cold rejections.

The night continued as per normal until they were safely situated in a bar, far from the bad side of time.

"Why do you keep doing this?" Fai asked coolly, the ice chinking smartly in his shot glass.

"Because one day it'll get through your thick skull that you can't keep doing this," Kurogane snarled. Tonight, he had already given up—earlier than normal, Fai noted—and was drinking his share of liquor as well. "Why the hell do you do it anyway?"

"Because it numbs the pain."

Snorting, Kurogane leaned forward. "Pain?" He couldn't really believe that the magician could be in so much pain that he had to destroy his body with heroin, meth, and alcohol to escape it."

"Believe it or not, it _hurts_ to not have an eye," the slight male snapped, tugging the black cloth off. "And not to forget the emotional trauma that being brought back to life as a vampire brings."

For the first time in a long while, the ninja was speechless. He stared intently at the newly uncovered half of Fai's face, completely aghast. This was the first time he had seen the right side of the mage's face since the incident.

The flesh of the lid sunk into the socket where the eye once was, and the skin around it was spider-webbed with scars from where the flesh was torn away by digging fingers. Fai's cheek and forehead was rubbed raw from where the harsh cotton chafed the delicate skin underneath.

The blonde wizard caught Kurogane's stare and flushed indignantly. "Thanks for gawking," he hissed sarcastically, moving to tie the wrap back on.

Quickly, the warrior caught Fai's wrist, and he held it tightly. He felt the pulse weakly under his sword-calloused fingers, and his heart ached as he knew that the magician desperately wanted that pulse to stop. That just bugged him. This whole ordeal annoyed him in the way that his companion just stopped being his companion. It irritated him how Fai's personality did a complete 180; how so completely different he was.

But now, a pang of guilt entered into his mind. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, slowly spreading his fingers out against the magician's palm.

Fai started softly. "Wh-what?"

"I said I was sorry. I won't repeat it again," Kurogane growled.

The blonde looked down, closing his fingers around Kurogane's. "I guess I'll accept it, then," Fai mumbled sullenly.

The swordsman gave a satisfied smirk, pulling his hand from Fai's as he leaned across the table to re-tie the wizard's eye patch.

As Kurogane did this, Fai leaned into the ninja's broad shoulders, whispering: "You'll be the one to bring me back to life, Kuro-chan…"

* * *

_Your bottle's almost empty_

_You know this can't go on_

_Because of you,_

_My mind is always racing_

_The needle's breaking your skin_

_The scar is sinking in_

_And now your trip begins _

_But it's all over for_

_It's all over for_

_You_

_For you _

_When you're on the edge and falling off_

_It's all over for _

_You_

_For you_

_When you're on the edge and falling off_

_It's all over _

_I know what runs through your blood_

_You do this all in vain_

_Because of you _

_My mind is always racing_

_And it gets under my skin_

_To see you giving in _

_And now your trip begins _

_But it's all over for_

_It's all over for_

_You_

_For you _

_When you're on the edge and falling off_

_It's all over for _

_You_

_For you_

_When you're on the edge and falling off_

_It's all over!_

_And now you're dead inside_

_Still you wonder why_

_It's all over_

_And now you're dead inside_

_Still you wonder why_

_It's all over_

_And now you're dead inside_

_Still you wonder why_

_When you're on the edge and falling off_

_It's all over _

_And now you're dead inside_

_Still you wonder why_

_And now you're dead inside_

_Still you wonder why_

_When you're on the edge and falling off_

_It's all over _


	4. Chapter 4: Iris

_**A/N: I love this song… :sighs happily: It's such a sad, pretty song… PERFECT for Kuro/Fai-ness, yes? Um… warnings? Random time jumps, lack of plot, shameless fluff, and several small spoilers throughout. The POV is subject to change, due to the fic's odd nature. The change is generally specified within the first three to five sentences. **_

_**This differently formatted chapter (each little line is like a fic in it's self! They don't all connect until the ending.) is to The Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris". **_

* * *

**Chapter Four: Iris **

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

'_Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

With a sigh, the man reclined back against the glass, wondering just how dense his ninja friend was. All his constant flirting was taken as meaningless babble, meant only to annoy. Sure, that was _half_ of the reason. With another sight, the mage wondered why he shouldn't just give up.

He tipped his head to the side, gazing fondly at the sleeping man next to him. He brushed his own golden hair out of his face.

"Hey… Kuro-kyuu," he whispered, making the swordsman start.

Kurogane opened a crimson eye, glaring at Fai. "Why aren't you asleep, mage?"

Fai smiled, closing his hurt-heavy eyes as he did so. "Not sleepy!" he crooned, leaning over Kurogane. "I was thinking!"

"Don't do it too much; you'll hurt yourself," the swordsman grunted, pushing the magician's face away.

Fai grabbed Kurogane's hand, holding it tightly. "That was mean," he whined softly, gently waving the warrior's hand back and forth as he swayed. "Make up for it, Kuro-kun, 'cause I know you won't apologize!"

Kurogane's eyes narrowed dangerously. "And what do you want?"

Fai's face slackened; he didn't realize that Kurogane would oblige him. "I… I, uh…"

"Spit it out."

Fai gripped Kurogane's hand tightly, holding it against his chest. "Le…Let me hold your hand for tonight," he whispered, his fingers pressing into the calloused palm of the swordsman's hand.

Kurogane frowned; it was an odd request, but with a shrug, he closed his eyes, allowing Fai his wish.

It was all Fai could do to not cry. He tightened his fingers, hoping to convey his thanks and his feelings through this squeeze. He knew Kurogane caught them; he always did.

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,_

_And I don't want to go home right now._

"Hey, Kuro-chan," Fai sang, leaning against Kurogane's broad back, basking in the sun like a cat.

Kurogane looked up from his Maganyan, craning his neck over his shoulder. "What?"

The magician closed his eyes, humming softly. "Do you believe in a heaven, Kuro-puu?"

Kurogane snorted, being used to Fai's odd questions by now. "I believe in this life; right now."

"Yeah, but what about _afterwards_?" Fai twisted around, hugging his thin arms around the ninja's shoulders. "Do you ever think about that? What would happen if you were to die?"

The ninja gave a noncommittal grunt, shrugging lightly. "I guess there's one. I don't know. In Nihon, there was the re-incarnation cycle. What about you?"

Fai slid off of Kurogane, lying on his back in the grass. He stared up at the sky for a long time, the blues reflecting off of each other. "I don't know," he whispered. "I never paid attention."

In truth, Fai could care less where he went when he died; living happily right now was heaven to him. He'd cherish it now, because eventually, he knew his fate would catch up to him and send him straight to Hell.

_And all I can taste is this moment,_

_And all I can breathe is your love_

It really had to be a dream. It couldn't be anything else.

But then, he wondered, why does it feel so real?

He watched, in shock, as Fai pulled away. The mage's face was flushed in embarrassment, shame, and most probably a fever.

"I was _worried_," the blonde hissed, and he fell against Kurogane's chest, crying softly.

Tomoyo gave a knowing giggle from her corner of the room. She winked at Kurogane, waving. "I'll be leaving you two alone now," she said, leaving the room.

"Hey! Oy…" Kurogane sighed, having no honest clue of what to do now. "Oy, stop crying…"

"_Why _did you do that?!" Fai growled, pounding a fist against Kurogane's chest.

The ninja caught the mage's frail fist, his fingers circling easily around it. "Calm down."

"Why did you save me!? I'm not worth—"

"I think you are," the swordsman said, dropping Fai's hand and using it to cup his cheek. "Besides the kids would be upset."

"Is that all?" Fai asked, and Kurogane caught the hope and fear that was mixed into his surprise.

"Nah," the black-haired man mumbled, and brought the wizard into a tight, one-armed hug, not having the courage to kiss Fai like Fai had kissed him.

_And sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

Fai shuddered, huddling closer to the fire. He wasn't cold, but he was definitely antsy.

"What's wrong, Fai-san?" Sakura enquired, scooting closer, anxious to help and to take her mind off of the waiting that was, too, driving the magician insane.

"Nothing… It's just…" Fai shrugged helplessly.

"Oh," Sakura nodded softly, picking up instantly. "I'm worried too; they've been gone for an awful long time…" She turned her head slightly, staring wistfully out into the forest that, three days before, Syaoran and Kurogane had disappeared into. "I hope that they're okay… Syaoran's still hurt from the last world," she whispered fearfully.

"Of course they are: Kuro-wan's with him," the blonde whispered in a weak attempt at reassurance.

"They're nearby, so don't worry, Sakura-chan, Fai!" Mokona piped, jumping from Sakura's lap to reassuringly cuddle against Fai's cheek.

"I'll go help them into camp," Sakura said hurriedly, standing promptly.

Fai watched her race off, the nervous pain in his heart getting worse. He and Kurogane hadn't really been on the best of terms—mainly the swordsman was mad, but there had been a throw-about of words that struck Fai where it hurt—and all through the wait, he had brainstormed all the things he could say; all the ways he could say that the ninja was right and that he was sorry, and all the ways he could just convey to Kurogane how much he cared.

"Fai is upset about something," Mokona mumbled, frowning softly.

Fai gave a weak smile. "A little, but I can fix it," he whispered. He stood, waiting for the two swordsmen to come back.

At the point of their return, Syaoran and Sakura were talking, and Kurogane entered as stoically as normal.

His blood-red eyes fell on Fai first, then he swept them around the camp, and then finally returned them to the magician.

"Mage," he muttered, taking a step forward.

Fai stood blank faced for a long moment, then launched himself forward, looping his arms tightly around Kurogane's neck and shoulders.

"I missed you," he breathed, hugging the man he loved tightly.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

There was a reason that Fai's jacket was massively oversized. He hated people looking at him.

There was a reason that Fai only wore white and blue when he had the choice. It was nondescript and people's eyes skipped easily over it.

There was a reason that he smiled constantly. People tended to ignore an annoying idiot; as good looking as he was, if he brooded or let anything else grace his face, there'd be no stopping the staring.

The less people looked at him, the better. That way, they'd not get involved with him.

If they got involved, they'd inevitably end up learning about his past. And they'd never understand that pain.

"The past is the past!"

Fai stared flatly at Kurogane. He had hoped that the one he loved would have a bit more sympathy than that, and so, he executed Ashura's orders without a second thought… Only guilt.

_When everything's made to be broken—_

_I just want you to know who I am!_

"No," Fai said flatly, his eye glazing in a desperately denied lust.

"You have to." The blood dripped slowly onto his palm, and Fai had the sudden urge to lap it up from Kurogane's sword-calloused hand.

"No!" The magician gave a visible shudder, trying to repress the vampire side of him.

"Why not; you're going to die if you don't freakin' eat!"

"No!"

Kurogane paused, catching the urgency and harassment in the blonde's protest. He wrapped up his wound, striding towards Fai. He loosely draped his arms around the lithe man's shoulders. "What's wrong?"

Fai trembled, tremors wracking his shoulders as he clung to the ninja's chest. "It's so wrong, it's disgusting, I hate it!" he whimpered.

"But it's who you are," Kurogane muttered, only slightly bewildered.

"No! I don't want to be like that, that's not me," he cried, staring helplessly up at Kurogane.

"Okay then, tell me who you want to be."

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_All the moment of truth in your lies_

At that moment, he couldn't bring himself to cry. "But, I…" he said, softly, hollowly, all emotion pulled from the crumpled lithe frame.

Kurogane glared at Fai, looking almost haughtily disgusted with the blonde. "How do I know you're not lying?" he hissed.

"I swear, I'd not lie about something like this," Fai murmured, staring up desperately.

The ninja turned on heel and stalked out, pausing at the door. "If you really loved me, then why aren't you crying?"

Fai swallowed dryly, dropping his gaze. "Just go, then."

He stared at the wood flooring, desolation sinking into his bones.

_**But Kurogane, why would I cry? No matter what I do, you'd still never believe me! **_

As the mage tried to will himself to shed a tear at the fact his heart was just broken, he missed the swordsman's backwards and sad glance.

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive!_

"You're a complete and utter fool!" Kurogane roared, shaking Fai by the shoulders.

"Why, yes, but I'm your fool!" The wizard chirped cheerfully.

"You! I should slap you just to get it through your thick head!!"

A smug smirk spread across Fai's lips, "Get what?"

The enraged ninja closed his fingers tightly around Fai's forearms and the blonde yelped in pain. When Kurogane pulled away, there were crimson finger-prints on the white cotton shirt.

"That's what the hell I'm talking about!"

With a heavy sigh, Fai stripped himself of his shirt, the livid cuts shining red on his pale skin. "And those were healing too, Kuro-yan," he tutted.

Fai looked up at Kurogane, the same smirk showing on his face. "How else am I supposed to know I'm real? No one cares for me. Besides, I don't intend to die."

Kurogane frowned. "I care," he muttered darkly, grabbing Fai's wrists. "So you'd bloody well stop."

And with that he crushed the smirk right off of Fai's lips with his own.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken—_

_I just want you to know who I am!_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken—_

_I just want you to know who I am!_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken—_

Another day, another fight. With a sigh, Fai sipped his tea, wondering how in the world he could apologize for this one. It had been so good, and then there was the tiff about the lying, and the quarrel about the cutting. The blonde's thing fingers dug themselves into his temples, trying to soothe the pounding headache.

The door creaked open, making Fai jump. It was Kurogane, to be certain. Syaoran and Sakura were away on a thing called a 'field trip' with a place called 'school'. They'd not be back until the next day, and they had taken Mokona with them. So, either it was a burglar, or it was the ninja.

Fai would have almost taken the burglar.

The wizard decided not to greet the other man, instead trying hard to get his head to stop hurting, and to avoid the ex-solider at all costs.

"Oi, you sick or something?"

Fai groaned softly. "Yeah, sure, whatever," he mumbled softly.

Kurogane grunted at the insignificant answer. Assuming that Fai was still angry at him, he stalked over to the medicine cabinet and pulled out the bottle of aspirin. He was quick to temper, but not one to hold a grudge; this would be his peace offering.

Fai winced as he head Kurogane sit next to him. He looked weakly up, then blinked suddenly, seeing the bottle in the ninja's hand. "Oh," he whispered softly.

"It's your head that hurts, right?" The raven-haired man said, a little awkwardly.

"Yeah, thank you," Fai murmured, tilting the container so that three little pills fell into his hand. He swallowed them quickly, finishing them with the last, cool remains of his tea.

For the next long moment, the two sat and stared at each other.

Fai finally dropped his gaze. "Look, I… I'm sorry. I was just… I was telling you the truth when I told you I loved you!"

"I figured as much."

"I wanted to cry, I really did," the blue-eyed wizard whispered, a slow tear sliding down his pale cheek.

Kurogane leaned forward, not knowing quite how to deal with the crying Fai.

Fai reacted for him, throwing his arms tightly around the swordsman's shoulders, clinging tightly to him.

Kurogane tipped his head down a bit, kissing the side of Fai's neck. "Well, I know you told the truth… and I love you too."

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

"Fai," Kurogane mumbled, draping an arm sleepily over the unclothed magician.

Fai rolled over, smiling as he curled tightly against his lover. He gave a cattish yawn, and before falling asleep, he laced his fingers into Kurogane's and whispered, "I love you, Kurogane."


	5. All I Want For Christmas Is You!

**_A/N: I used the MCR version of this song, 'cause it's the only version I can stand. . But this is the Christmas special, so yaaaay! The next, not holiday oriented chapter will be up soon. Anyway, I think Kuro-chan's a head and a half taller than Fai, but that half's because Fai slouches a lot. (He leads from his hips:drama class taking over mind: )_**

**_Maybe, if I wasn't so lazy, I could have gotten it up before the day before Christmas Eve. Oh, well._**

* * *

**Chapter Five: All I Want For Christmas Is You**

_I don't want a lot for Christmas,_

_There is just one thing I need;_

_I don't care about the presents_

_Underneath the Christmas tree—_

Even as tall as he was, Fai could not reach the top of the dark, prickly fir tree. "Kuro-san, Kuro-san!! Come help!!" he called, cupping his palm next to his mouth so his voice would carry.

Kurogane was in the room in seconds, a tangle of colored lights following behind him. "What's wrong, are you hurt?" he barked, scanning the room for anything wrong.

Fai smiled, pointing to the tree. "It's too tall. I can't reach the top," he said cheerily.

With a loud string of curses that would make even a sailor pale, Kurogane stomped across the decoration-strewn room to the fir, snatching the wire and glitter star from Fai's slim fingers.

With an annoyed grunt, Kurogane thrust the star on the absolute top of the tree, making the evergreen sway slightly as some of the needles fell to the wooden flooring.

"Careful, careful, Kuro-puu! What will we do if we break the tree?!" Fai teased, draping his arms around Kurogane's broad shoulders.

Kurogane ignored Fai, choosing to drag the mage along as he went back to the murderously annoying task of untangling the lights.

"Sooo, Kuro-wan, watcha want for Christmas?" Fai drawled, leaning annoyingly over the ninja's shoulders, golden hair falling into Kurogane's field of vision, completely blocking the view of the bulbs.

"Earplugs," grunted the swordsman, earning a joyous laugh from Fai. "Anyway, what do _you_ want?"

Fai grew silent, sliding down and away from Kurogane. He sprawled onto the cool floor. "I don't really want anything, it's more of a wanting need," he mused quietly. "But it's nothing I'd really ask for, you know? It'd be impossible to even consider it!" With a cheerily empty laugh, he hopped back onto his socked feet, tearing open a new box of lights, joining the swordsman in the task of lighting the tree. "Some candy'd be okay with me, I've come to like the peppermints," he answered after a long silence.

Kurogane stared over at Fai, who was deftly untangling the string of lights with an oddly blank look on his face. "Alright, I'll get you some."

Fai looked up at Kurogane for a long moment, then flashed him a truly happy smile. "I can't wait!"

_I just want to form my own_

_More than you could ever know_

_Make my wish come true_

_Baby, all I want for Christmas is you._

That night, Fai lay on his bed, head tucked against his cupped palms, staring up at the skylight that occupied the ceiling of his room. Snowflakes fell heavily against the glass, and the wizard was sickeningly reminded of his home. He rolled over, screaming softly into his pillow.

All this time traveling, and he never could do anything at all. Finding out how he had failed in pushing people away, he realized that all he ever wanted to do was to make that childhood dream of his come true: to be loved and feel belonged.

Of course, he'd never tell anyone just how attached he was to this wish. And he'd never divulge the recipient of his feelings.

When Kurogane had asked what he wanted for Christmas, the only thing that could come to Fai's mind was the ninja himself.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas_

_There is just one thing I need;_

_I don't care about the presents,_

_Underneath the Christmas tree—_

_I don't need to hang my stocking_

_Way above the fireplace,_

_Santa Clause can't make me happy_

_With the joy of Christmas day_

Fai laughed, ruffling Sakura's hair. This holiday completely entranced the young princess, and out of all four—five, counting Mokona—of the travelers, she was the most excited.

"And so, on Christmas Eve, there's a play called a Nativity, and I think we should really go! What do you think, Fai-san?" The green-eyed girl gushed, pointing to a long list of customs that Syaoran had acquired for her.

Fai peered at the list over the rim of his tea cup. "How lovely," he replied, "But what's this Sakura-chan?"

"Oh, um, Syaoran told me that people hang up stockings and stuff, and when they wake up the next morning, other people have put like, small toys and candy and oranges in them!" The princess said excitedly, tucking her bangs behind her head.

Fai chuckled, smiling softly. Really, this was all cute, but what was the point? To get what you wanted?

Inside, Fai scoffed. Well, that was impossible. The idea of what he longed for sitting underneath that fir tree was just absurd.

_I just want to form my own_

_More than you could ever know_

_Make my wish come true_

_Baby, all I want for Christmas is you._

_You, baby_

_I won't ask for much this Christmas_

_(I won't ask for much)_

_I won't even wish_

_(Well, I won't even wish)_

_I'm just gonna keep on waiting_

_Underneath that mistletoe—_

_I won't make a list and send it,_

_To the North Pole for Saint Nick._

_Well, I won't even stay awake_

_To hear the magic reindeer bells_

Two days before Christmas, Fai was busy humming carols, and hanging mistletoe.

Perched precariously on a stepladder, he hung the last green-leafy trinket right above the front door: No one was safe.

"Fai-san, what's that?" Sakura asked, looking up from her present-wrapping.

"It's mistletoe! Whoever gets stuck under it has to kiss someone!!"

At this, the princess blushed, her eyes darting around the room. "But, why is there so much of it, Fai-san?"

Fai chuckled. "Comedic relief." With that, he plopped onto the green and red-decorated sofa, waiting for a certain someone to come through the door.

Two days and many curse-filled chases later, Kurogane was found, ripping the offensive plant from every perch it took.

"Awww, Kuro-pyon, why don't you want to observe tradition?" Fai whined, trailing dejectedly behind the angry swordsman.

"BECAUSE IT'S STUPID!!!" Kurogane roared, bristling.

Fai tucked his hands in his pockets, the bells on his Santa hat tinkling merrily, bringing contrast to the magician's stony face. "Well, the entire holiday is stupid, really. I mean the entire idea of a man going around the world in one night is completely idiotic. No one can, even with magic. And who really thinks that anyone really cares anymore? I can tell that no one really understands what it started off as." Fai took a step forward, leaning forward into Kurogane's personal space. "Do you even know? I bet you don't care. This holiday started off as a celebration of love and compassion. Sorry for wanting to spread it."

Fai strolled away, shutting himself in his room for the rest of the evening, staring out the frosted window, wondering if there were really kids out there waiting for someone to come down their chimney.

"Well, I just ruined the spirit," the blonde sighed, shutting the blinds.

'_Cause I just want you here tonight_

_Holding onto me so tight!_

_What more can I do?_

_Baby,_

_All I want for Christmas is you!_

_Oh how the lights are shining_

_Surrounding everywhere_

_With the sound of children's laughter_

_Fills the air_

_And everyone is singing_

_I hear the sleigh bells ringing_

_Santa won't you bring me the one I really need;_

_Won't you bring back my baby back to me?!_

Christmas day. Presents opened, paper cleaned away. The morning was truly fun, even Fai could admit. Now, they were in the town park, enjoying a good festival.

Sakura and Syaoran were off in the snowball fight with teens their age, Kurogane was off in some contest, and Fai was sitting on a bench, smiling softly as he watched.

"Heeey, mis'er, are you an elf?" A small girl climbed up onto the bench, staring up at Fai with large blue eyes. She tentatively tucked her short-cut brown hair behind her ears.

"I could be… why do you ask?" Fai inquired, grinning at the girl, shifting his body so he was facing the little girl.

"'Cause you look like you're makin' sure tha' everybody had a good Chis'mas."

"Did you?"

The girl lowered her eyes and her hands went to the hem of Fai's jacket. "My momma's sick. She's gonna be better, but we didn't have much money…"

"Oh." Fai blinked, and ruffled the girl's short hair. Then, he leaned down and picked up a handful of snow. He rolled it into a small ball, then slowly drew a few symbols onto the surface.

A small blizzard erupted around the ball, and once it had settled, a snow-white stuffed rabbit with a ice-blue collar was all that was left of the ball of snow. "Merry Christmas," the magician murmured, watching the girl's eyes light up. She hugged Fai tightly, the rabbit latched firmly into her small hands.

"Oooh!!! Thank you, thank you, Mr. Elf!!!" she squealed, giggling. "Santa musta told you I like rabbits!" she gushed, hugging the plush to her chest.

Fai ruffled her hair, winking. "Our secret, okay?"

The girl nodded furiously, pantomiming locking her lips.

"Go on and play then," the mage chuckled.

The girl thanked him one more time, then hopped down, hugging her new toy as she raced off.

"Oi. What was that about?" Kurogane asked leaning over the side of the bench.

Fai leaned up, staring at the ninja innocently. "Spreading the Christmas joy," he answered puckishly. "People should be happy. Even if I'm not." With that, the blonde crossed his arms and stuck his nose up in the air.

Kurogane blinked at Fai's impishness, then clapped his hand over the top of Fai's hair and mussed it aggressively. "Oi, what's all this about?! It's annoying!" he growled.

Fai let a shriek of laughter leave him and he grabbed Kurogane's wrist. "Don't pick on Santa's helpers, Kuro-meanie!"

"Really, though," Kurogane barked, grabbing Fai's gloved hands in his own. "You've been sulking since last night. Did I… really hurt your feelings like that?"

Fai blinked, his cheeks flushing. "Wha…" This surprised him! "We-well… Yeah," he mumbled, looking down.

Kurogane leaned down, awkwardly pressing his lips to Fai's cheek.

The blonde stared, stunned, at this. He gaped up at Kurogane, mouth wide.

"Well that shut you up," the ninja grunted, somewhat satisfied.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas_

_This is all I'm asking for:_

_I just want see my baby_

_Standing right outside my door!!_

_I just want to form my own,_

_More than you could ever know;_

_Make my wish come true_

_All I want for Christmas is you!_

After the festival, everyone was soaked, cold, but moreover, happy.

Cup of cocoa in hand, Fai retreated to his room. Once inside, he changed into warmer—and drier—clothes. As he pulled a sweater over his head, there came a knock on his door.

He opened it, and came face-to-face with Kurogane, whom he had blushingly avoided for the rest of the festival.

"Oh, hi!"

Kurogane raised an eyebrow, and ensued to go straight on into Fai's room.

The mage stood in the doorway, helplessly staring after the larger man. "What is it, Kuro-kyu?"

"I figured out what you wanted for Christmas."

"Really?" Fai closed his door, leaning faintly against it.

This couldn't be happening, he thought.

Kurogane smirked, he seemed to be enjoying this. "Well, you have me."

Fai chuckled slightly, stepping over to the bed, draping his arms around the swordsman. "It seems I do…"

* * *

(Thought I'd do this for fun…)

Fai: Have a merry Christmas!

Syaoran: Easy on the eggnog!

Yuuko: Nonsense, go straight for the wine!

B.Mokona: And the spiked cocoa!!

Watanuki: Geeze, what's with you guys and alcohol?!

Kurogane: Keep an eye out for freakin' psychotic blondes and mistletoe.

Fai: But Kuro-chan, don't you want me?

Mokona: Don't peek in presents:goes ahead and peeks:

Kurogane:ignoring Fai: FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE, MEAT BUN!

Sakura: Eh? Uhm… Be nice you guys, and be safe when you travel!!

All: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!


	6. Chapter 6: Pain

_**A/N: Lol, I made the Gothix sound like a cult… But aren't most cliques cults anyway?? Anyway, this is to Three Day's Grace: "Pain". **_

_**(My high school has Bradford trees, and god, they STINK! Mostly they're really pretty but a few of us are really sensitive to them, and so they smell bad to us. … The test, also, is real. The one Kurogane's grumbling about? Yeah, that's the **__**GHSGT**__**. Those of you college-bound juniors who live in the state of Georgia will recognize those horrible initials and inwardly cringe in fear! How did your testing sessions go? I'm not a junior myself, but I take all junior classes, so I feel your pain. :smiles: I hope you all get pass plusses!)**_

_**Warnings: Self-mutilation. If you don't like it, then I caution you to not read, because it's the main theme of the chapter. (But to those who do decide to read, no worries, it's got a happy ending!)**_**Chapter Six: Pain**

* * *

Every day, Kurogane passed through the back entrance of the school. Therefore, everyday, he encountered the most mysterious clique of the entire high school.

They were called the 'Gothixs' by the rest of the school. They always stood in a tight little group, discussing all sorts of things from music to Voltaire; they always wore some combination of the colors black, red, and white; even the boys wore jewelry in the Gothixs. They were the school's smallest clique, rotating members of the outside crew frequently. However, the main group always consisted of the same four people—rumor was that they were in a rock band together.

… Not that Kurogane cared, however. He occupied the farthest clique from the Gothixs: the academically lazy jocks. Not to say that the teen was exclusive; he was just a bit reclusive. Even in his own social group, he didn't really say much, being far too irritated with them to actually speak civilly.

It was December when he had his first real encounter with the leader of the Gothixs. It was after school, and his car refused to start.

Already slightly pissed, he stalked over to the only remaining people at school. "Hey," he grumbled. "Do any of you actually have a cell phone?"

A green eyed girl looked up from her book, batting her heavily mascara-ed lashes. "I think Fai has one that works," she said softly.

"He probably does," echoed her boyfriend, a brown-haired kid with mismatched eyes. Kurogane dimly recognized him as the twin of a first-year kendo student.

"And this Fai is…?"

A thin boy with long blonde hair stood gracefully, chains chinking around his wrists and hips as he dusted off his jeans. "Me," he said, smiling rather awkwardly. "But, it doesn't work. Shaoran's fault; he dropped it in the sink last night."

The brown haired boy shrugged, and his girlfriend giggled. Kurogane made a face. "Look, I don't want small talk, and I just need—"

Fai held up a hand. "However, I will offer my services… _elsewhere_." This earned a 'huh' look from Kurogane, a small laugh from the boyfriend/girlfriend, and a snappish 'don't sound so perverted' from a bespectacled boy— Kurogane also recognized him as the boyfriend of the best player on the archery team and the office worker of their crazy principal. "I will drive you home, Kurogane, member of the kendo club and team, who also played basketball in the preliminary games."

A bad feeling sunk into the taller teen's chest; but hell, it was cold, and Kurogane just wanted to get home. "Fine. Just don't pull that stalker shit again."

This earned a laugh from all of the Gothix. "Tough luck; once Fai sticks to you, he stays," Shaoran jeered. 'Like Doumeki,' the bespectacled boy mumbled, and Shaoran shrugged.

Kurogane could feel his lower eye twitch and he paused to briefly wonder what he had gotten himself into. By the time he realized that he'd be better off walking home, the blonde was waving to him from across the parking lot.

The kendo member stalked towards the teen, eyeballing the old car that the Gothix member was getting into. "That's your car?"

Fai grinned, leaning across the passenger seat to pop the lock on Kurogane's side. The black-haired teen crawled tentatively in, wondering if his weight would cause the old station wagon to crumble. He definitely, by the looks of the pale teen next to him, weighed more.

"I love this old thing," Fai said fondly. "Got her for less than two-hundred dollars!"

Kurogane could feel his eye twitch again. "Just take me home; I live over—"

"Near the tavern on Shirasaki Street, right?"

Fai stole a look at Kurogane's face, then burst into laughter as he started the car. "I'm not stalking you, Kuro-chan! I played a set at the Tavern a few weeks ago and saw you taking out the trash!"

"Kuro… What the hell?!"

Fai gave a smirk, then turned on the old eight-track tape player. Music blared through the speakers, and Kurogane wondered if it was the blonde's band.

"_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all."_

"That's the super secret sounds of the Gothix!" Fai chimed, pointing the tape player. "Only heard by certain members of the school population."

After listening to the song for a few moments, Kurogane frowned. "Rather morbid, isn't it?" he grumbled, staring out the window.

Fai didn't answer until the car slowed at a stop sign. "You're cool at this school, Kuro-myan. You'd never understand it… what it takes to stop."

"Try me." If one thing bothered Kurogane, it was people doubting his intellect.

Fai turned and stared at the older teen sadly. "What it's like to be numb. How it feels to go around and wish someone would just kill you, because it seems that you can never find what life's worth living for," he whispered.

Fai stepped on the gas, and the rest of the ride passed without anymore dialogue.

As Kurogane stepped out of the car, he looked Fai square in the eye. "I know. And I want it to stop."

A slow, sad smile spread across Fai's face. "Then join the Gothix; I'll teach you, Kuro-sama… I'll make it so you'll never feel numb again."

_You're sick of feeling numb_

_You're not the only one_

_I'll take you by the hand,_

_And I'll show you a world that you can understand._

The next month was a whirlwind; Kurogane's acceptance into the Gothix baffled many people. Not even Doumeki had been part of the clique when he began dating Watanuki, a member of the band and steady member of the group. He was just… there and tolerated. Rumors began to wildly circulate about blackmail and extortion, but everyone's favorite was the one about Fai.

"They say you're a vampire and you hypnotized me," Kurogane grumbled, slamming his lunch tray down at the Gothix's table.

Fai blinked, then threw back his head and laughed. In fact, everyone at the table dissolved into helpless snickers and giggles—especially the real members of the gang. Sakura was reduced to tears at one point, her mascara streaming down her cheeks as she laughed.

"What's the joke?"

"That's our stage persona; someone within the clique started that one," Fai sniggered. "Let's feed it a little more!"

The blonde leaned across the table and cupped Kurogane's face in his hands, his face set in a grin. However, there was something off about his eyes; they didn't reflect the blonde's grin. "Let's talk after school," he whispered into the kendo member's ear.

Kurogane growled, and pushed Fai off of him, yelling obscenities at the sophomore. He got Fai's message.

After school, Kurogane leaned against Fai's old car, waiting for the blond to emerge. The teen swaggered laughingly out of the school, his book bag balanced on his head.

"Yo! Kuro-fluff! Look what I can do!"

Kurogane raised an eyebrow at the boy, reaching out to knock the bag off Fai's head. "That's annoying."

"Aw…"

"What did you want to talk about?"

Fai smiled, then entered into the backseat of his car, "Let's talk in here!"

Kurogane rolled his eyes, climbing in the car after Fai. "What was it that you wanted to talk about," he reiterated.

"I want you to come to one of our shows. We're at the Tavern again tonight."

Kurogane sighed, leaning against the door frame. "I don't know."

"Please? For me?"

"Whatever."

Fai smirked, crawling onto Kurogane's lap. "You'll get it; I swear. You'll get your cure," he breathed, laying his head onto the older teen's shoulder. "Nothing as drastic as drugs, just what will wake you up…"

Kurogane lifted Fai's head and kissed the second-year, enjoying the fact that he could feel Fai's face heat up under his fingertips.

"Why do you not want to come?" Fai murmured, tipping his head back as Kurogane kissed his neck.

"I dunno. I figured they'd not like it…"

"The Gothix are a very welcoming set of people; almost the entire school has belonged to us at one point or another."

"I don't believe it," Kurogane grumbled, pulling Fai back in for a kiss.

After a few silent moments of kissing and groping, Fai pulled away, a devious smirk on his face. "We help them and they go back; you don't have to be a member to keep the cure," he whispered. "Besides, I've got ways of luring new members in."

"I hope you don't make out with every new member."

"No, you're special… you're very special, Kurogane," the blonde whispered, sending chills up the junior's spine.

"What's the cure?"

"Take off my shirt and you'll find out…"

Kurogane frowned, but slowly untied the laces on Fai's shirt. The shirt fell easily from Fai's shoulders, and the older teen gasped.

Fai nodded, and Kurogane reached out and traced the lines of scars and cuts along the teen's upper arms. "Isn't that just a little bit stupid?" the kendo member hissed.

"It's safer than getting a piercing or a tattoo, it is," the blonde said, shrugging. "Anyway, come to our show tonight." He pulled his shirt back on and climbed into the front seat, signaling Kurogane to get out. "I'll see you later; you'll get used to the idea."

_This life is filled with hurt_

_When happiness doesn't work_

_Trust me and take my hand_

_When the lights go out, you'll understand._

Kurogane found himself crammed into the Tavern on Shirasaki Street, waiting for the Gothix to take the stage. There was something in him that screamed to stay away from Fai, that the boy caused nothing but trouble. There was a part of him that wondered how many people at his high school that bore the scars that Fai said was a cure; he wondered just how many felt this numbness—was this recklessness it's only cure?!

There was a side that wanted to abandon Fai all together, but it was repulsed by an overwhelming desire to protect and coddle the younger teen; the absolute forlornness that Fai personified crushed Kurogane and screamed at him to hold the blonde and try and make it alright.

The junior had seen the pain in Fai's eyes when he met Kurogane's aunt a few weeks ago. Soon after, he had found out that the rest of Fai's family was dead. The kid was alone.

Kurogane sighed; that kind of things had to hurt. He couldn't understand how the blonde even managed to smile and enjoy himself.

The teen crossed his arms and grumbled. Maybe Fai was a masochist… ? He didn't seem it, however…

There seemed to be no way out of this now; he'd taken Fai's hand and stepped into such a strange world that he knew he'd never be able to return. He trusted the strange sophomore, and he liked him. A lot.

The lights finally went down, and the Gothix stepped onstage, the music starting up. Kurogane dimly recognized it as the song that played in Fai's car that first time they had met.

"_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all._

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all."_

It was weird, that such a chance encounter could lead to all of this. Kurogane shook his head and slipped into the back of the crowd.

After the set was over, Fai came bounding up to Kurogane. "Did you like it?"

"It was certainly… interesting," he mumbled, watching Fai's contact-covered eyes brighten. "I think I understand you just a little more now."

The blonde made a face, scrunching his nose like a rabbit. "Well, that wasn't the point, but…"

"It's enough to make you happy, right?" Kurogane grumbled, raising an expectant eyebrow.

"Yes!" Fai cried, hugging onto the older teen's hand. "Hey… come home with me tonight…"

Kurogane spluttered for a moment, and then sighed. "Whatever," he agreed. He flicked over to see Fai's expression, and inwardly cringed. The blonde wore an expression of sheer longing and loneliness that it was all Kurogane could do but not the mumble a quick 'of course'.

And it was times like these that the raven-haired junior wondered if Fai was just a little bit insane for living at all.

_Anger and agony_

_Are better than misery_

_Trust me, I've got a plan_

_When the lights go up, you'll understand._

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing_

The next few months passed by with a blur, and it was soon late March. The campus of the high school bloomed with Bradford pear trees that made students gag in agony when the temperature reached 60. Of course, the Gothix paid no attention, laughing and goofing off normally, their space being invaded by the beautiful white maelstroms of blossoms that fell in the March wind.

"I hate this stupid test," Kurogane growled, marching outside at lunch.

Fai followed behind docilely. "Kuro-meow, they're written on an eighth-grade level."

"Fucking biology! I hated biology! Who the freak makes 45 out of 85 questions about biology?!"

Fai laughed, setting his tray down on the table while he contentedly listened to Kurogane rant about graduation standards and tests. "Hey, are you coming to our show tonight?"

Kurogane blinked, then shrugged. "I always do," he answered brusquely.

"How's your cure working?"

Kurogane averted his eyes from the complacent blonde. He'd only tried it once, and he hated it. Fortunately for him, he sustained many injuries from kendo, so he never had to face Fai's disappointment in him. "Meh, same old same old."

"Well you're mad right now," Fai pointed out, lazily stretching across the table, pear blossoms falling into his hair.

"I don't particularly enjoy being angry… But I am happy more often…"

"Because of—"

Kurogane cut the boy off quickly, "Because of you," he answered, not wanting to hear Fai call his cutting a 'cure' any longer. "You're more of a cure than anything."

Fai stuck his tongue out impishly. "You're so corny," he whined.

Kurogane later found himself waiting impatiently at the Tavern later that night, along with many unhappy Gothix fans.

"Kurogane!"

The teen turned, watching in confusion as Sakura stumbled over people, dark lines under her emerald eyes from where her makeup had smudged with tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

The girl grabbed at Kurogane's sleeves, shaking. "Fai's… Fai's in the hospital," she whispered unhappily, sniffling. "Shaoran and Wata-chan are with him right now… The doctors are saying awful things about him to his father…"

Kurogane was having problems comprehending what Sakura was saying. "Wait… wait, I thought his parents were dead…"

Sakura shook her head, her earrings jangling harshly; she began to drag Kurogane out of the Tavern, the dazed man stumbling behind her. "It's something he tells everyone so no one will ask. His mother died a long time ago—his father isn't what you'd call sane, so Fai ran away… His father just got out of jail… he was acquitted of murder one on two accounts… Fai's testimonies didn't hold up… And he just found out tonight…"

"Murder… what?"

Sakura stopped, staring up at Kurogane. Her face was pale, and her eyes reflected the horror with which she recalled the tale. "Fai's father used to be a politician out on the west coast, but he was a drunkard. He killed Fai's mother, then turned on Fai's twin brother and Fai… he was only hurt, but his twin died… He stayed over there just long enough to testify, then came to live here with a family friend."

"So Fai just found out that… his father was out of jail?"

"Yes." The poor girl was shaking badly now.

"He hurt himself badly didn't he?"

"B-b-b…Botched s-suicide…"

"_Get in my car_," Kurogane hissed, rage laced in every breath he took. "_Where is he_?"

Sakura quietly stuttered the hospital name and room once they were across the street in Kurogane's car. "Are you alright?"

"No; I'm going to fucking kill that stupid sophomore!"

At this Sakura quietly smiled, and laid a hand on Kurogane's shoulder. "He'll be okay, I think, because he has you. It's good to know Fai has someone who loves him…"

For this, Kurogane had no reply, only a quiet nod. Rage and despair battled inside of his stomach, and he let a brief thought slide into his mind; '_What if he doesn't make it…?_'

_I'd rather feel pain_

_I know, I know, I know, I know, I know_

_That you're wounded_

_You know, you know, you know, you know,_

_That I'm here to save you_

_You know, you know, you know, you know,_

_I'm always here for you_

_I know, I know, I know, I know,_

_That you'll thank me later…_

Fortunately enough for Kurogane, Fai was awake when he arrived. He was propped up on a hospital bed, bandages and stitches wound all around his arms, and IVs filled with blood and different antibiotics and medicines were stuck in any available skin space. Other than pale and half-mummified, Fai looked almost normal.

However, Kurogane caught a faint dullness to Fai's eyes, and he traced the blonde's gaze outside. A clean-cut man with black hair slicked back into pony-tail was frowning and chatting with a serious looking doctor. Despite the hair, Kurogane could tell that it was Fai's father because of his piercing blue eyes.

So, the junior yanked shut the curtains to the hall, and glared at Fai. Nervously, Shaoran joined Sakura outside, as well as Watanuki, who was in the middle of quietly offering Fai food other than the hospitals.

"So."

"Are you upset, Kurogane?" Fai asked icily, pointedly looking away from the kendo member.

"You almost died," was his irritated reply.

"No one would miss me; I'm only a burden…"

A smack echoed across the bare hospital room, and Fai was left reeling, clutching his cheek in shock.

"And I'll hit you again for Sakura! You had the poor girl having a heart attack over you! Everyone's worried! Everyone'd care! So don't you dare keep hurting yourself! Don't you dare try to die! The past doesn't matter right now! All that matters is…" Kurogane's voice softened, and he sat down on the bed, his back facing Fai. "… Is that… I was scared, alright? I thought you'd die, and I'd have to… live without you… Then I'd really be numb."

"So my cure's not really a cure?" Fai asked timidly, laying against Kurogane's back.

The older teen shook his head. "No. But you did help me… You were yourself. I don't want this emo-martyr crap. I want you being happy and being truthful with me. I'll stand by you; I won't leave you alone or die on you," he promised, covering his face with his hand so that there was no chance of Fai seeing, "I'll always be here."

"This is where you're supposed to say thank you," Kurogane muttered irately.

Fai chuckled softly, sliding back onto his pillows. "Yeah, but I don't feel like it; I'm sleepy… They drugged me to hell and back, Kuro-pof," he whispered, reaching out for Kurogane's hand. "I'll say it later, I suppose… If I feel like it."

"You'd better, when you wake up."

"Or else…?"

"I'll… I'll subject you to Tomoyo's wrath," Kurogane growled, turning to Fai.

Fai laughed, closing his eyes. "Scary…" and with that, he went to sleep.

Kurogane rose out of his chair, and stepped out into the hallway. "Mr. Flowright?" he asked, stepping up to the man.

The man scowled, and snapped, "What do you want?! Are you one of his no-good ingrate friends? It's your fault that he—"

Kurogane picked up a nearby broom, and leaned against it, ready to use it as a weapon if necessary. "No," he cut off, "I believe it's yours. So if you come here again, which I'm sure is breaking your parole, I will call the cops on you, but before that… I'll kill you," he hissed, his knuckles tightening around the broom. A twisted grin spread across his face, and one could tell that he meant business. Apparently Mr. Flowright wasn't dumb, because he stepped backwards, then left in a hurry.

Sakura beamed and giggled, hugging Kurogane happily. "Fai will be thankful," she whispered.

"It was no problem; I don't want him hurt anymore," he muttered.

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all._

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all._

_I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_I'd rather feel pain!_

In the weeks following Fai's exeunt from the hospital, Kurogane and Fai became an official couple at the high school, the band Gothix preformed for the first time for the general public at Graduation, and Kurogane and Fai came to a conclusion on the last day of school.

"Y'know, Kuro-rin," Fai murmured, lazily twirling his drink between his palms, "I think I've figured out something."

Kurogane quirked an eyebrow, and across the table, Shaoran and Sakura looked up in interest.

"I believe I love you," the blonde continued, ginning.

Kurogane rolled his eyes. "Duh," he grumbled.

Sakura grinned happily, leaning against her own boyfriend, listening in interest.

"And I figured it out… Without love, there's nothing but pain…"

"Uh-huuuh…"

"But when you're in love, everything is super-light, and you're happy. But it also hurts, but in a good kind… But when you're not in love, you feel empty. So… I've decided…"

"Oh I can't wait for this," Kurogane muttered, rolling his eyes.

"That if I don't have love, I'd rather have pain, because pain… It makes you see yourself differently. And you feel whole, because you can't hurt if you're not all there."

"You make no sense," Kurogane concluded, pushing Fai away from him. After a moment of staring at the blonde, he sighed. "Well, too bad, because I do too… So, no more pain."

Fai grinned, and snuggled up to Kurogane, his scars shining white against his cream skin as he did so. "I've had enough pain to last a life-time, Kuro-sama. No more…I want to be happy."

_**END**_


	7. Chapter 7: Dance With the Devil

**A/N:** _Ahm… I'd tell you that I have a good reason for why this took so long, but other than the fact that I have hard times with fight and action scenes, there are no other reasons other than me being incredibly lazy and preoccupied with other stories… AND SUMMER HOMEWORK! Growl. And this chapter is altogether FAR TOO LONG! This one chapter is the length of four or five normal chapters of mine! OMG, how the heck?! **AND IT TOOK TOO LONG TO WRITE!** I've been working on this damn chapter SINCE **DECEMBER**! It was actually supposed to come before Pain, but, I kept gettting stuck, so I went ahead with Pain. __Other than this; I really like it. _

_There are SLIGHT spoilers for the Celes arch, but nothing that's really pressing. It's mostly about Ashura, not Fai's past. You'll get what I'm talking about later. I also realized belatedly (as in at the end of the chapter) that I didn't give the demon a name. Well, crap. It's Ashura, deal with it. And the chick is... um... :thinks for a long time: Well, lets just say she's some CLAMP character, no?? _

_Anyway; this chapter's to Breaking Benjamin's "Dance with the Devil". Will Fai die, or…? (Next chapter… PIRATES! … or something similar. I just know it'll be AU.) _

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Dance with the Devil**

_Here I stand,_

_Helpless and left for dead;_

The words dripped; the chains echoed. Petals fell, perfume hung. Silk rustled, and lace scratched. Through it all, a steady hum of prayer filled the dark cell.

A funeral for a sacrifice.

_Close your eyes—_

_So many days go by—_

Fast-forward. Rewind. Speed up. Slowdown. Pause… And play…

Outside the barred window, the sun seemed to set in a blur of speeding time. He couldn't count how many days he'd been here, because time had begun to fissure and slide downwards in unimaginable speeds. Except for tonight; as the sun touched the horizon, everything paused. The wind stopped blowing, and the petals that littered the air seemed to cease their descending twists.

Pausing himself, he could remember just how long he'd been in the cell. … Four weeks. Funny, he mused, it had seemed like days. That was twenty-eight days in the dungeons of Rosette, waiting to become the next human sacrifice to the devil of the country…

_Easy to find what's wrong;_

_Harder to find what's right—_

He was never the one to believe in superstitions; considering his history, it was hardly a fault. He despised things like the beliefs of Rosette, the kind of things that made people kill and offer sacrifices to beings that weren't ever real. It repulsed him that be was being used to satiate their fear of a deity that only existed in dreams.

Even so, he was treated kindly, with the same type of respect that he believed they'd treat their demon with. With every meal that was brought to him, they'd apologize. Sometimes, women would come and chat, and the men would offer thanks…

He was beginning to wonder if this demon was real.

_I believe in you!_

With a loud, rusty clunk, a key turned in the padlock to Fai's door. The paused time began to run once again, this time at a fraction of the mercury-like speed of before.

"It's time to get ready, sir," a small woman murmured, holding her hand out for the blonde even though she never left the doorway.

Fai examined her thoroughly before recognizing her; she was small with mousey hair. She was one of the few who helped 'obtain' him.

"_You!" _

_Fai turned, blinking. "Me?" he inquired, pointing to himself, his customary impish smile planted firmly on his face. He surveyed the small crowd that now surrounded him, gauging the situation… It was bad. _

"_Are you a traveler?" _

_The mage turned his attention to the man speaking. Tall and lanky, the man would normally have posed no threat to Fai… But seeing as he had shackles in one hand, and a gun in the other, the blonde decided to cut to the chase. _

"_Yes, actually; I have a few companions… I was actually out looking for a place to stay," Fai admitted. He turned his palms outward, signaling surrender; "Do I need to register anywhere?" _

_The man shook his head. "I… I am the mayor of the village of Rosette. You need to come with me," he said evenly. _

_With that, a few more people stepped forward, two men and a woman. The men deftly grabbed Fai and the woman shoved a cloth over his face. As he fell unconscious, the shackles were locked around the blonde's wrists and ankles. _

_He didn't even have the strength to protest. _

Since his capture, Fai learned about the town. It was cloaked in shadows of old superstitions and culture. By far, the strangest was the yearly ball.

"Excuse me," Fai mumbled, shifting uncomfortably as the woman began to stride towards him.

She smiled, "Yes?" she asked, pulling out a few chains.

This was the part he hated: being chained. "Can you tell me the story about this ball again? I'm not quite sure I understand it," he said smoothly, closing his eyes as the heavy weights fell against his wrists.

The woman laughed, grinning. "You may hear it as many times as you like."

"As many times as I am able," Fai corrected, standing.

She shrugged, beckoning him forward as she strode out of the cell. "Once, a long time ago, a man came from the forest. He was handsome, well dressed. His allure was overwhelming, though he spoke very little. The village girls fell in love with him, as did some of the male population… Faithful wives left their husbands, children went missing, and the occasional wife would wake to find her husband gone," at this, she broke, giving a scandalous giggle, "Soon, it was determined that this man was the cause. It was investigated, and it seemed that only the most beautiful of the town were disappearing… First the most, and then following by the next and so on. After a while, only a few were left in the village, and they were old, sick, or impervious to the man's charm. The strongest few gathered up, and found bait. A beautiful girl who had traveled recently into the village; she had seen the man, and fallen in love with him as well.

"They followed a girl in the night to his layer. There it was discovered that the man was a shape-shifter; he appeared the form most appealing or comforting to his prey. Once he had his prey in his grasp, he would slowly drain them of their life… They pleaded to him that the race that he depended on for food would become extinct. The man made a deal. Once a year, the villagers would hold a grand ball for him.

"At the ball, he would appear, and for him would be prepared the most beautiful person in the village. He would only dance with them, while the others would celebrate. And he agreed, that at the stroke of midnight, that person would become his prey, and he would kill them."

The woman stopped, then smiled over at Fai. "You see? You are the most beautiful person to cross through Rosette in ages. It will make Him very happy…"

Fai sighed. "I'm sure," he mumbled, looking away from the woman's smile.

For the rest of the journey, the two traveled in silence.

Fai began to notice a subtle change in scenery. The dark walls became lighter, the concrete being replaced with a smooth wallpaper of green and cream. The old floors became polished and cared for, and slowly the damp air turned dry and warm. In fact, the hallway was so inviting that the blonde began to forget why he was so anxious. He chanced a grin at the young woman, and she flashed a strong, reassuring grin.

Magic tugged at the edges of Fai's mind, but even the insistent nag of foul play soon slipped away. In fact, by the time they had reached the dressing room, the blonde was so pliant that the woman slipped off his shackles. "Just go in there, dear, someone will prepare you. … I believe in you," she murmured, patting Fai's cheek.

The magician stumbled into the room, only to be grabbed by two older women and stripped of his clothes. He was handed new garments, and he put them on absently.

Afterwards, Fai glanced at himself in the mirror, wrinkling his nose. He'd never had a taste for fancy clothes.

All in all, he supposed, he looked nice—he wore a black suit, with long, sweeping coattails; the sleeves and hems were embroidered with silver threads in dusty designs; underneath he wore a silver vest, and a light blue silk shirt; his ribbon was same silver as the embroidery and vest. He even had to admit that the mask was beautiful, black with jewels the exact same blue as his shirt—and looking at himself in the mirror, his eyes. All in all, the effect was stunning.

He grinned, supposing that it was alright this once, and one of the older women straightened his tie. "There you go, sweetie. All ready. Remember, we believe in you…"

_I can show you that_

_I can see right through_

_All your empty lies—_

Several hours after being dressed, Fai was lead to the ballroom. Many people crowded the enormous room, which was filled with streamers and roses. Everyone wore ornate dresses and masks, and Fai took a curious look around. "A masquerade?"

"That it is," one of his escorts murmured, then gave him a gentle shove towards the dance floor.

"How am I supposed to know who to dance with?" The magician murmured, turning back to look at his guards.

One gave a coy smile, "Well, who are you in love with?"

The blonde's face fell blank, and he puzzled over the question for a long time. "I… I don't… I'm not sure," he whispered.

"Then go find them."

The words rang deep with magic, and Fai turned on his heel, obeying the command.

He wandered helplessly along in the crowd, calling. His mouth formed the words, but his mind took no register of them. Plaintively, he cried out, searching; "K… kuro…"

"Are you looking for me, mage?" a voice came.

Someone captured Fai's sleeve, and the magician turned, eyes searching. "Oh…!"

Before him stood Kurogane, decked out in clothes similar to Fai's; except, where Fai's suit was blue, his was dark, blood red. "'Oh' isn't an answer. Were you looking for me?"

The blonde nodded softly, shaking his head as if he were a wet dog. "How did you know to come and find me here?"

"The kid asked around," the ninja said smoothly, "It was easy enough."

"Oh…" Fai looked around, trying to locate Syaoran and Sakura, but couldn't see through the crowd. "I'm supposed to find someone."

Kurogane said nothing, watching Fai in something akin to amusement.

"But I don't know who."

"How do you know it's not supposed to be me you're looking for?" the ninja inquired, reaching out and pulling Fai to his chest.

"What?"

"You've hidden yourself very well, little magician," Kurogane sneered, smiling down at Fai. "And you thought you fooled everyone?"

"I… I'm sorry," the blonde murmured, staring up at Kurogane's eyes. "Wait… You're not! Y-your eyes, they're…"

Kurogane smiled coolly, sending shivers up the magician's spine. "Won't you dance with me?"

Fai fell limp in the other man's arms, eyes dull. "Of course, Kurogane," he mumbled.

_I won't stay long_

_In this world so wrong!_

_Say goodbye,_

"What do you mean, _sacrifice_, kid?!"

Syaoran stumbled after Kurogane, glancing down at the book he held tightly. "According to legend, the most beautiful person who arrives in town is sacrificed to the demon of the hills at an annual ball! … and this would explain his disappearance…"

Kurogane growled, his hand finding his way to his sword. "So you mean, any moment now, the magician could be demon food?!"

"Well, yes," Syaoran muttered sheepishly, stopping.

The ninja pulled his sword out, and held it in front of him, hissing; "I'll be damned if I let another person in my life be killed by a demon! We're getting that mage, then we're leaving; feather or not, you got it kid!"

Syaoran nodded reluctantly. "Alright. How do you propose we get Fai-san?"

"We get into that ball."

_As we dance with the devil tonight;_

_Don't you dare look at him in the eyes—_

_As we dance with the devil tonight!_

Syaoran was amazed; "I didn't know they took it that seriously," he breathed, wide-eyed. "This legend must have basis in real life. Otherwise… I've never seen anything like this before…"

Kurogane straightened his tie irritably, "Whatever. Why don't you and the princess go dance or something?"

Syaoran blushed, and then looked over to Sakura, who was leaning over the railing to stare at the huge ballroom. "Okay," he mumbled.

Kurogane left the two, storming down the winding marble staircase, knocking over a few people in the process. Eventually, people got the message and started to avoid the ninja.

"_Don't look at his eyes!" "His eyes!" "That must be the demon!" "Is he unhappy?" _

Kurogane twitched, listening to the hushed conversations of the dancers. They all began to hide their faces behind their masks. "What the hell is going on here?!" He glanced around, and found a woman smiling in his direction. She was more opulently dressed than most of the ball-attendees, her clothes had an almost antique feel about them. She was one of the few who wore no mask, but instead wore a necklace as her decoration, and she was looking at Kurogane in unbridled amusement.

"What're you lookin' at?!" he barked, stomping over to the ornately dressed woman.

"They think you're the demon," the woman laughed, "When they know good and well that your eyes are the wrong color."

"What do my eyes have to do with anything?"

"You're not from here," the woman said jauntily; not a question—a statement, "So you wouldn't know. The demon that this ball is for has eyes black as pitch, and if you stare into them, you'll die. …Maybe, you'll want to go save the blonde who's been dancing with your image?"

The woman pointed to the center of the ballroom, and when Kurogane turned his head, she disappeared into a cloud of silver moths.

_Trembling,_

_Crawling across my skin;_

_Feeling your cold dead eyes,_

_Stealing the life of mine…_

"Where did you learn to dance, Kuro-kyu?" Fai asked serenely, feeling the taller man guide his moves.

"I was forced to take lessons," Kurogane said with a wrinkle of his nose.

The magician laughed, "Tomoyo-chan made you, hmm?"

"Where did you learn, mage?"

Fai made a face, "… I was taught," he murmured, laying his head on the man's chest.

Instantly, he realized something was wrong. He tried to jerk away, but suddenly Kurogane—no this wasn't Kurogane!—had a vice-like grip on him, holding him in place.

"NO! Let me go!" Fai cried, struggling. His hands, he had to get his hands free; if he had to use magic, he would… for Fai had no desire to die like this…

This man, this thing! It wasn't Kurogane! This thing had no heartbeat!

"HELP!"

"Hush you idiot mage," the thing posing as Kurogane snapped. Fai felt the magic in his words, and his jaw immediately snapped shut, nearly biting the tip of his tongue off in the process.

The acidly metallic taste of blood filled Fai's mouth, and he swayed, suddenly very dizzy.

"Look at me Fai," it said gently in Kurogane's voice.

Even without the magic, Fai would have looked. It sounded exactly like the ninja, using the tone and the words that the blonde mage wanted to hear the most.

Blue eyes locked with flat black, and Fai felt everything slipping away.

_I believe in you!_

_I can show you_

_That I can see right through_

_All your empty lies—_

_I won't last long_

_In this world so wrong!_

_Say goodbye,_

Kurogane could see him; and the stupid mage was dancing with someone who looked exactly like himself. He could see as the two chatted, Fai grinning in a warmly stupid way that made the ninja want to hug him.

Then the mood changed; Fai put his head to the double's chest, then yanked back screaming.

Kurogane thrust his hand to his waist, drawing his sword. People scattered away from him, screaming, leaving a clear path towards Fai and… whatever that thing was.

He saw the two make eye contact, and Fai fell limp in the thing's arms.

"MAGE!"

The thing looked up, then smirked as he watched as Kurogane charged at him.

"I think it's time you stop napping, love," he said quietly, and the once comatose blonde started awake.

"Huh?"

Fai blinked, then raised his hands to rub at his eyes. There were two Kuroganes. "What's… going on?" he mumbled, uncharacteristically muddled. He seemed to float away from Kurogane's arms, to stand between the two.

One was the one he had begun to dance with, wearing a matching suit. The other was dressed in a secondhand black suit, red eyes blazing angrily.

"Why are there two Kuro-chi's?"

He looked back at the one in the flat black suit, frowning. "Do you know what's going on, Kuro-two?"

"Mage," Kurogane growled, "That thing is going to kill you! At midnight, it's going to eat you!"

"That sounds ridiculous, Kuro-two," Fai scoffed, turning to the Kurogane in the red and black suit. "And you?"

"We were dancing, and then an imposter comes up," that Kurogane said with an irritated shrug. "I've half a mind to teach him a lesson for that. It's almost midnight, and that's when the ball ends."

Fai rubbed his eyes again, feeling tired. That sounded like something Kurogane would say, but something wasn't right. Fai stared at the red and black clad ninja, then realized. Their eyes were different. "You're lying…" he mumbled softly, backing up towards the real Kurogane.

"You're lying!" Fai cried, feeling Kurogane grab him around the waist to hold him close. "You're not real!"

The demon gave a feral snarl, and then began to morph in front of Fai and Kurogane's eyes; he still kept to form of Kurogane, but long fans sprouted in his mouth, and claws shot from his fingers. "You're rather powerful, little one," he said. Fai gasped, instantly enthralled by the smooth, honeyed voice. He tried to step forward, but found himself locked in Kurogane's firm grasp.

"Hold him all you want," the demon laughed, smirking. "He is still mine. At midnight, he will die. And I will no longer be hungry for the year," he gloated. "Your poor lover made a mistake, he saw my eyes."

The demon then turned on his heels, and disappeared into the crowd, who was, for the most part, callous to Fai's situation.

The blonde gave an unhappy whimper; "I really am going to die," he muttered. "I hate this world, Kuro-sama! I just hate it!"

_As we dance with the devil tonight;_

_Don't you dare look at him in the eyes—_

_As we dance with the devil tonight!_

_Hold on!_

_Hold on!_

Morosely, Kurogane and Fai found the two children, and Fai explained what had happened to him in the past few weeks. Sakura began to cry and Syaoran had a distant look about him. The only time the blonde left the protection of Kurogane's arms was to hug the depressed princess.

Mokona was unusually silent through the entire exchange, until; "Fai, did you say that the demon has been around for a while?"

"A good bit."

"When did it leave?"

Fai looked at the large clock at the other end of the ballroom. It was now 11:15. "Fifteen minutes ago," he murmured.

The white rabbit-thing grinned. "Fifteen minutes ago is when I felt Sakura's feather disappear!" it declared happily.

Fai gasped, and Kurogane's hold tightened onto the blonde. "Now you tell us?!" he growled.

"If we can get Sakura-hime's feather back," Syaoran mused, "I think the spell on Fai would break; I've done some research, and no one expected that demon to live that long. I believe that the feather is what's keeping that demon alive."

Fai sighed in relief, "Oh, that's great. 'Cause I've decided, dying is a bad thing. It's not pleasant at all. You feel all tingly in weird places," he mumbled, sinking into Kurogane's hold on him. "And sleepy."

The ninja regarded Fai unhappily, then scooped his magician companion into his arms. "Let's go get that feather back," he growled, stomping towards the exit.

Syaoran and Sakura followed quickly behind him. "But we don't know where the demon's lair is!" Syaoran pointed out hurriedly.

"Go that way," Fai murmured, pointing towards the town's square. "I'm being drawn towards it. Most likely, he's trying to get me back so he can… munch on me," he said, making an odd face.

"Shut up."

"Awwww, I'm just trying to help, Kuro-sama!" Fai whined, poking the swordsman's cheek. The blonde paused, watching quietly for a moment. "You don't have to worry about me, you know."

"I'm not," Kurogane barked.

Fai giggled weakly, staring up at his companion's face. Instead of having a frown or a snarl on his face, Kurogane's expression was carefully neutral, his eyes glowering fiercely. "Your face says otherwise," the magician said softly, laying his head on the ninja's shoulder. "I won't die."

"Can't?" Kurogane asked.

Fai winced; this question again!? "Can't, maybe," he muttered, "I just know my big bad puppy won't let anyone hurt me!" he chimed, trying to evade the question.

"We'll settle this later, Fai," Kurogane barked.

The blonde gasped, eyes growing wide. After a moment a warm, sad smile spread across his face, "Then save me."

The swordsman grunted, then took off out of the ballroom.

It didn't take long to find the demon's lair, but Kurogane thought that not too long was too long. Fai had begun to grow paler than normal, and even though the magician had tried to control his tremors, he still shook violently.

"Well, this is unexpected," Fai murmured, blinking languidly at a house in the woods.

"If this guy's a demon, what the hell's he doing in a house?" Kurogane growled incredulously.

The four— plus a sleeping Mokona— stood at the foot of a winding gravel driveway that led to a Victorian white house with light green trim. The house looked like some old castle, and the forest that surrounded it threatened to swallow the house whole.

"I half suspected a cave," the ninja continued. Fai weakly reached up and smacked Kurogane upside the face, "No stereotyping, Kuro-sama."

The magician then turned his gaze to Syaoran and Sakura. "How about you two stay here and wait for us, okay?" he murmured.

Syaoran opened his mouth to protest, but Sakura gave a sad smile, nodding, "Alright, Fai-san. If that's what you want," she answered quietly. "But at least take Moko-chan with you… in case…"

The princess let her sentence dangle, but everyone knew what she meant: 'In case you need help', or 'in case you can't save Fai', or just, 'in case we need to leave quickly'… None of the endings to Sakura's worries were ideal.

As the girl placed the sleeping rabbit-thing into Fai's arms, the wizard reached over and ruffled her hair. "Everything'll be okay, Sakura-chan. I feel fine, and as if Kuro-daddy would let someone take mommy away!" he laughed. "We'll beat him down!"

_Say goodbye_

_As we dance with the devil tonight_

_Don't you dare look at him in the eyes—_

_As we dance with the devil tonight!_

The two made their way to the porch of the enormous house. As soon as they stepped up under the overhang, an enormous wooden door swung open.

"Creepy," Fai murmured, giving a weak, appreciatory 'hyuu'. Kurogane grunted something unintelligible, and as he stepped forward to the door, the floor fell through.

The ninja lost his grip on Fai as the wood gave way under his feet, leaving the blonde to fall to whatever fate awaited them first.

The two tumbled down onto a roughly hewed metal slide, which carried them from where they fell to a dark damp room. The two tumbled to a dirt floor, Fai skidding to the middle of the room.

The room was so heavily laced with malignant magic that it made Fai dizzy.

"What the hell was that?!"

"It was obviously a trap door," the magician mumbled faintly. He tried standing up, but fell back onto his backside, incredibly weak. "I don't feel good at all, Kuro-sama," he said piteously.

"I'll get you," Kurogane replied, standing. He began to stumble forward in the darkness, knowing exactly where Fai was because of his aura.

Rubbing his temples, the magician felt himself being lifted into the air by a set of warm arms. "We've got to find him, Kuro-sama," Fai said weakly.

"I know we do," Kurogane snapped. He began to hurry, sensing the urgency of the situation. However, something seemed to be holding him back. He knew he was moving forward, but Fai's aura never seemed to get any closer.

Blinking, Fai looked around the dark room; "Kurogane," he said softly, "Do you know ventriloquism?"

"What the hell?! No," the ninja growled from the other side of the room, something was wrong. He'd just been called by his name.

A cold dread rushed through Fai's body, and he felt his stomach drop as if it were filled with lead. "H-h-help me," the blonde whimpered, his voice trembling violently. "_Please_! He's got me!"

A pentagon of blue fire erupted along the edges of the room, filling it with a chilly glow. Magic runes were drawn into the dirt with silver, crisscrossing into a complex series of stars, hexagons, and circles.

The demon from the legend stood in the middle, Fai cradled in his arms. "It's not such a bad thing, love," he purred.

Fai screwed his eyes shut, tears streaming down his face. "Put me down!" he shrieked. This voice elicited such terror from within him; he couldn't stand the thought of the being belonging to the sweet but cruel voice touching him anymore.

The demon gave a smile that only Kurogane could see; "You'll come to me in time," he murmured, letting Fai slide from his arms.

The magician hit the floor, knees first. He looked up, seeing the demon in his true form for the first time.

Pale skin, paler than even Fai's, who had grown up in perpetual twilight and snow; long, straight hair that fell against angled cheeks; pitch black eyes that seemed to hold the world's knowledge— the magician knew, instantly, that they could hold love and mirth, but right now, all they held was hatred. Robes of white and a navy that was almost black clothed his tall, slender frame. Long nails curved out from his fingers, and as he grinned, fangs glinted in the cold light. Even though he knew it would be his downfall, Fai let his eyes travel up to the other's eyes; so exactly like the ones who had kept him sane all those years, exactly like the ones that gave him his happiness, his name, and his companions. These were the eyes that forced him to leave his happy life, the eyes that turned from kind to cruel in response to his own fate. He saw the monster dripping in blood of his companions, the ones who amiably talked of the weather and cheered him on when he came out of his shell… He saw it mirrored on this dimension, and he locked eyes with the devil, wondering if he should resign his wretched life then and there.

Fai began to shake so hard that even Kurogane could see it, trapped behind the magic runes that only allowed those who were unfortunate to be prey pass. A strangled sob left the mage's throat, which quickly became an anguished scream.

"_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" **_

Fai collapsed onto the ground, sobbing frantically. The demon reached down, stroking Fai's blonde hair, sardonically grinning. "If it's that bad, grant my wish." The demon's words only worsened Fai's state.

Kurogane began to throw himself at the invisible wall that held him back from killing that demon then and there. "Dammit!" he hissed, unsheathing his sword, hacking at the barrier, knowing good and well that it'd not help a bit.

Mokona, who had been sleeping, forgotten, at the base of the metal chute, opened his eyes wide, and suddenly Kurogane found himself standing on nothing. He could see to the center of the room, but the dirt and silver-covered floor was gone, and the fire rimmed wall was nowhere to be seen. In the center of the blackness, he could clearly see Fai screaming while the demon made his moves to kill the magician.

"Kurogane, you wish to save him?"

The ninja whipped his head to the right, glowering at the projection of the witch, Yuuko.

"Well, ain't this convenient?" he muttered, "Of course I want to bloody save him!"

"Why?"

Kurogane blinked, taken aback. Yuuko's face was stern, and her eyes held a sort of strength that made the ninja answer the closest thing to honest he could muster at the moment. "Because the kids are expecting us back…"

"That's not good enough! Why do you want to save him?" she commanded; "If you go on other's desires, you will not be strong enough."

"I just want to! I can't stand the thought of him dying. It would be… It would be lonely. I care for the idiot."

"That much is proven. As you know, the demon's power lies in Sakura's feather," Yuuko said quickly, her voice clipped; "But he has far more power over Fai than just the Princess's memory. This demon is this dimension's version of a person who means much to Fai, but has broken him extremely. I will give you means to step into the magic and release the feather, which is embedded into the chest of the demon. But you must be the one to draw Fai out from his own mind. We will discuss price after; we've already wasted far too much time."

A necklace flew out of Mokona's mouth, and Kurogane caught it with one hand. "What is this?"

"Put it on. I will explain later."

With a shrug, Kurogane slipped the string of bead around his neck, and then hoisted his sword, ready for attack. Then…

The entire world seemed to blink, like a bad movie, between reality, and the separate dimension that Yuuko had created for the moment it took to grant Kurogane's wish.

Suddenly the fire was back, its soft crackling drowned out by a heart-wrenching scream, sadistic cackling, and the tolling of bells.

Kurogane charged forward, and with a sweep of his sword, he sliced a diagonal across the demon's chest. Silver blood poured from the wound, much like liquid mercury. Stunned, the demon fell to his knees, his head dropping onto Fai's shoulder, Kurogane standing over the both of them.

The magician screamed even louder, his voice finally catching and sputtering to a halt as he slumped forward, unconscious. Kurogane dropped his sword, then crouched, pushing the demon off of Fai. He reached out, tearing the ripped cloth from the demon's body.

As the ninja reached for Sakura's feather, the demon lifted a clawed hand, grabbing Kurogane's. "No," he breathed, blood spilling from his mouth, "Please. I have to stay alive."

"You've not given anyone else a chance."

"I have to find her," the demon pleaded. "The one I love."

"She'll probably be disgusted with what you are," Kurogane snapped, shaking off the demon's hand. "Besides, she's more than likely dead. You've been around for hundreds of years."

The demon's eyes grew soft, "Yes… I remember now…" And as Kurogane grabbed the feather, the demon's body faded away into silver moths.

Finally the bells stopped tolling, marking the passage into midnight. "Fai," Kurogane muttered, turning to the blonde. For a second, his heart stopped beating, but then he saw the rise and fall of Fai's chest.

_Hold on!_

_Hold on!_

He reached out, pulling Fai's head into his lap. The man was unnaturally cold, his skin clammy with sweat. "Hey, wake up. **Now**," Kurogane commanded, scowling down at the blonde.

It took a few minutes, but Fai finally did awaken. When he did, his eyes were wide and crazed, and he instantly pulled away from Kurogane. He searched the room for the demon, and when he didn't find him, he gave a shriek of terror. "I killed him!" His eyes scanned the room, then finally fell on Kurogane's sword. He reached out, but the ninja caught him, holding him tightly.

"Fai," he said sternly, "It's over. The demon's gone. I killed him."

Fai tensed, but then sighed, his body going limp. "Kuro-sama," he breathed.

"You're safe."

Fai buried his head into Kurogane's shoulder, trembling. "It was Ashura, Kuro-sama… He looked exactly like Ashura. I was going to die. I knew it. I thought he had found me."

Kurogane hugged Fai tighter, and although no clue what the blonde was talking about, he let Fai babble on until he fell silent. "Are you okay?"

"Now," Fai breathed, his violent shaking calming somewhat; "Everything went black for a moment, and I thought I'd died. I was scared…"

"Well you didn't die, so shut up!" The ninja said loudly, hoping to cover up the fact that he was highly uncomfortable.

"I know, Kuro-sama saved me," Fai gushed, nuzzling his damp face into Kurogane's neck. "You're so brave!"

Kurogane sighed; even though the blonde seemed back to normal, he could feel Fai shaking underneath his arms. "Just be quiet," he ordered sternly.

For once, Fai obeyed.

_Goodbye…_

Kurogane and Fai sat in silence for a long time. When the dregs of dawn were beginning to creep into the cellar room, a shriek and twin thuds broke into the silence.

"You don't think…" Fai murmured, blinking as a grin spread across his face.

"There they are," Kurogane finished, standing.

Syaoran was the first to tumble down the chute, landing on his stomach, face in the dirt. Sakura followed seconds after, landing neatly on top of Syaoran's back.

The princess gave a small 'eep', then jumped away from her companion, who rose from the floor with as much dignity as possible. "Um, Kurogane-san, Fai-san? Is everyone okay?" he inquired.

"Right as rain!" Fai cheered, waving boisterously.

"Syaoran forgot Mokona!" the white ball of fluff cried, seemingly hurt.

Sakura laughed, scooping Mokona into her arms; "So everything went alright?"

"Meh, I owe that witch another debt… But the job got done in the end," Kurogane grunted.

"Speaking of!" Yuuko chimed, her image erupting from the jewel in Mokona's head, "I've come to collect!"

Kurogane rolled his eyes, "I don't suppose if I give the necklace back, you'll cancel the debt will you?"

"That's not how it works. Besides, all I want is liquor from the world you're in," the woman whined, wagging her finger at the ninja. "That's not too hard, huh?"

"Um… Witch-san," Syaoran ventured, before Kurogane and Yuuko got into another fight, "About the demon… I've searched the legend back and forth, but… I've not found a pattern at all…"

"It was only beautiful people, Syaoran-kun," Fai said dryly. "He used them to keep young." The magician suppressed a shudder, and Kurogane put an arm around his shoulder, making Sakura blush at the obvious tenderness between the two.

"Wrong," Yuuko stated, shaking her head, "The real story of that demon is a sad one. A long time ago, Rosette was made up of only magical creatures, and the occasional human who passed by. One day, a woman with beauty that challenged that of even the most beautiful nymphs came to Rosette. Your demon fell in love with her, unknowing that she was a human. He was a faerie of high rank within the fey hierarchy, and therefore, was forbidden to love a human. The penalty was death. Even when he found out that she was human, he never stopped loving her.

"There was a woman of his own status, and she went mad with rage and killed the human woman. He began to die, not only because of love, but as grief as well. He did not believe that she was dead, however, because fey are forbidden to kill. He looked for her, even though she could never be found… One day, he came across a feather, which understood his sadness, and bonded with him, keeping him alive. As he lived, it slowly drove him insane, the knowledge that he'd never find his beloved, so he began to kill and devour all the souls that belonged to beautiful people in love who reminded him of his love. And it continued until today, when you finally put an end to it. Both he and she are grateful," Yuuko murmured sadly, a soft smile gracing her lips.

"How sad. He must have suffered so much," Sakura whispered, tears pooling in her eyes.

"How do you know all of this?" Fai asked, frowning, "Not even the people of Rosette know this…"

"The human woman is a client of mine. She wished that an end could be brought to her love's behavior. That necklace I gave you, Kurogane, was hers. Do you remember it now?"

Kurogane frowned, thinking back; "The woman at the ball!" he exclaimed.

"You've met her?" Syaoran asked, stepping forward, a look of curiosity gracing his features.

The swordsman nodded, slightly bewildered, "She helped me find Fai."

Fai smiled softly at the unwitting use of his name, reaching up to squeeze the ninja's arm. "Well isn't she sweet?" "Humph."

"Thanks to you, they'll be able to move on peacefully," Yuuko said, a devious grin snaking across her face, "Who knew you were so kind, Kurogane?"

"Hey!"

Fai leaned back into Kurogane's chest, and as he listened to him yell at Yuuko and Syaoran excitedly asking more questions of her, his eyes traveled to Sakura, who was smiling warmly in the opposite direction. She looked over at Fai, and then pointed to the corner where she was looking.

Fai turned his head, then chuckled softly. He should have known.

The demon and a woman stood in the corner, arms linked. No longer did the demon have fangs or talons, in fact, he looked quite amiable. The woman winked at Fai, grinning from ear to ear as she snuggled up to the man. The two began to fade, waving at Fai, smiles on their lips.

"_Goodbye… Thank you." _Fai mouthed. He then closed his eyes, content in leaning against the man who saved his life, knowing that happy endings were possible, even after much hardship.


	8. Chapter 8: Life is Beautiful

**A/N: **_I know I said pirates for this one, but for the chapter I want to do on it, I have research I need to do. I need a little bit more information on mythology and the plant Amaranth (which is the name of the song I'm doing for that chapter) until I can write it confidently. I feel really bad for what I did to Sakura in this chapter, but I felt it was something CLAMP would really do. (Because, goodness knows, they love that angst.) This is another story in the Gothix universe. Check out chapter six for the introduction to them. I spent so much time constructing that universe that I didn't want to let it go; I actually have four more songs taking place in this universe. (I'm actually toying with the idea to just spawn an entire story on them.) This chapter's to SixxAM's "Life is Beautiful"._

_**Chapter Eight: Life is Beautiful **_

_You can't quit until you try,_

_You can't live until you die,_

_You can't learn to tell the truth_

_Until you learn to lie;_

Fai hated summer. It was then that the stage was even warmer, and the air was even more stifling. Heavy smog from the city settled into his lungs, and his clothes stuck to him like glue. "It's so damn hot," he whined, twirling the microphone in his hands.

"I'll second that," Watanuki grumbled, leaning over his music stand. "I have to go out and wait for the idiot to finish practice every other day. Between that and running errands for _her _I'm surprised I've not collapsed."

Shaoran chuckled, leaning back on his stool. "Y'know why you two have it so hard? Your boyfriends are in sports."

"Don't you have to go wait on your brother?" Fai asked, looking over at his drummer, frowning. For the longest time, Shaoran and his twin, Syaoran, were the closest things ever. It didn't make sense that the two were suddenly so far apart that Shaoran didn't give Syaoran rides to and from practices.

Sakura looked up from her keyboard, frowning quietly. "I don't think Syaoran-san likes me all too much," she whispered.

Fai stared blankly at Sakura, wondering if the heat had caused him to hallucinate that the cutest, sweetest girl at Koryo High had just said someone didn't like her.

"Sakura-chan! That's ridiculous," Watanuki cried, shaking his head.

Okay, so he _didn't_ hallucinate. "Did he say that directly, Sakura-chan?"

The girl dropped her head to the side, brushing her hair out of her face, her many bracelets and charms _chinking_ quietly. "Well, no, but he's been avoiding Shaoran and myself, and—"

"That's enough," Shaoran cut off. "Let's finish this practice and go home," he snapped.

Fai shrugged, wondering if the heat was making them all twitchy.

After practice, he wandered to Kurogane's apartment, stripping his shirt off as soon as he closed the door. God, it was hot out. He continued to shed his layers, dropping wristbands, chains, earrings, chokers, tank tops, shoes and socks until he stood in the bathroom in his jeans.

He looked in the mirror, and, like always, was sickly fascinated by what he saw. His entire body, crisscrossed with scars. That one, he remembered, touching the mirror over the image of a long, jagged scar across his chest, was from when his father… This one, over here, was from when he ran away.

He dropped his hands from the mirror, and his slim fingers dragged down the long section of pearly white, raised skin that marred his forearms. "I should have died then," he murmured, pushing his forehead against the cool glass.

Even with Kurogane by his side, life was beginning to choke Fai. It was his junior year, bogged down with tests, expectations, and everything that Fai didn't want to deal with. How was he supposed to fill out college forms? He had no parents to teach him. Kurogane couldn't help either; he was already accepted to a college because of his skill in sports. And school hadn't even started yet—even so, he still had homework due fairly soon.

Everything began to weigh in. He longed for it. The feel of it. "I promised Kuro-sama," he whispered pitifully to his reflection.

They eyes of the addicted stared back. Once more, then gone forever, his eyes promised.

Everyday, this was the battle Fai endured. Whether to give in, or stay firm in the promise to his lover.

Today was the day he broke.

He slid to the floor, his hands searching his pockets until his fingers closed around his pocketknife, the blade flipping out skillfully. He placed the blade up by his shoulder, pressed, then slowly dragged it across.

The edge went smoothly into his skin like a warm knife into butter. The membrane offered no resistance; much like it was complying with his wishes. There was no pain, only a slight burning as air met with the sudden canyon into his body. He let the knife sit there, at the edge of the cut for a moment, then he moved it sharply down, tearing the skin.

Then there was pain as he let up on the pressure. Blood began to ooze slowly, not spurting. No, he was careful; he only carved into the flesh away from major vessels now.

He watched, fascinated by the blood that was slowly falling out of his body. Finally it hit the limit of the cut, and began to trickle down his arm.

Endorphins raced through his body, mixing with the adrenaline of doing something taboo. He licked the blade clean, and stripped himself of his pants, turning the shower on.

He stepped into the shower, watching the water turn pink down his arm. It hurt now, too. A burning. The cut was dirty.

He scrubbed antibiotic soap all over his body, cringing as the chemicals mixed with the germs and grime that had already seeped into the wound.

He washed his hair, then ended his shower. He got dressed hastily after covering his wound, and then rushed into the small kitchen.

He reached up into the shelves, grabbing a large glass cup. He let it fall from his fingers, watching as the glass shattered. He then swept the pieces up, letting some of it cut up his hands.

There. A perfect excuse.

He looked down at his hands, shaking. "What… have…"

Tears fell from his eyes as he trembled. Slowly, sobs built momentum in his throat, and he sunk to his knees with the weight of it all. Why, why, why was it so hard?

Why, why, why couldn't he stop?! Why didn't his promise mean a thing to his hands, his brain, his knife?

Chills overtook his body, and he curled into a ball on the kitchen floor, convulsing as he cried. He knew he should tell Kurogane about this. Yes, the older teen would be upset, but _he needed help_.

But he wouldn't. Fai knew that better than anyone; he'd never tell. Ever. He swore, no he promised, Kurogane that he'd never pick that habit back up…

And here he was, breaking glasses to fake it. He stood, shakily brushing his tears away. He grabbed the broom and dust pan, hopping up onto the counter, waiting for Kurogane to come home.

Not too much later, Fai could hear the jingle of keys at the door; he slid from the counter, acting like the incident only just happened.

"Fai?" Kurogane called, "Are you home?"

"In here, Kuro-sama," Fai answered, bracing himself for the lie.

No, not lie… it was the truth. The truth. He really did drop that glass. Yes, he did. He didn't even own a pocket knife. He was simply clumsy…

Yes… that was the truth.

"Be careful when you come into the kitchen! I dropped a glass earlier!"

Kurogane stuck his head through the door, watching Fai 'inspect' the floor for more glass shards. "What happened?"

Fai looked up at Kurogane, and his breath caught guiltily. Kurogane was still dressed in his kendo robes, the material sticking to his skin; his hair was even wilder than normal because of the sweat, and it looked like he rolled in a haystack. Random bits of grass clung to his skin, and Fai knew that the field at school had just been mowed… the rising junior loved the smell, and he could almost smell the green scent now.

Normally Fai would just waltz right over and force Kurogane into taking him, no matter how tired the senior was. But, he had to get through the truth—lie—first, then sit through a lecture. "I was getting a glass for some water, but the glass just seemed to jump, and I tried to catch it…"

"You fell, didn't you?" Kurogane groaned, smacking his forehead. "Are you hurt?"

Fai beamed, holding up his scratched up palms, then pointed to the bandage under his tee-shirt; "A few scratches, but I have all my fingers! But, Kuro-chama, my dignity really hurts; can you kiss it and make it feel better?"

The older teen snorted, "Kiss it, my ass. That's what you get for not using the stool. And didn't I tell you not to put the glasses up on the second shelf? You know you can't reach them that way." He stepped forward, into the kitchen, to survey the scene. He made his way over to the shelves, and to Fai, and began to move all the glasses to the first, more convenient, shelf.

Fai blinked, looking bewilderedly at Kurogane… Was this it? No yelling? And… did the lie actually work. "Oh, um, well…" For once, he couldn't come up with a rebuttal.

Kurogane sighed, surveying Fai. "You knocked your head didn't you? You're not talking back," he complained, drawing the teen into his arms.

It worked, easily as that. His secret was safe; he could continue for a few days and pass it off as the same injuries…

_You can't breathe until you choke,_

_You gotta laugh when you're the joke;_

_There's nothing like a funeral_

_To make you feel_

_Alive_

Some small part of his mind whispered soft reassurances such as that, and it was finally too much. Tears fell from Fai's eyes, more violently than before, and he pushed his face into Kurogane's chest, grass and cloth sticking to his face.

The older teen moved his arms to Fai's waist, dazed. "You really hit your head hard," he mumbled, holding the blonde close as he cried.

"I… I didn't fall!"

"What?"

"…I lied," Fai whispered. "I did drop the glass, but it wasn't an accident…"

Kurogane stared down at Fai, frowning. Slowly, he put two and two together, and he released his lover. He kept the thin blonde close, holding onto Fai's hip with one hand as he pulled the boy's shirt off. "Don't move," he ordered, gently squeezing with the hand he'd captured Fai with, feeling the familiar jut of bone underneath his fingers. He wished he was holding onto the younger teen under different circumstances; he longed for the anxiety that that was buzzing through his body to be replaced with something more familiar, more pleasant.

Once he was sure Fai would not run away, he let him go, slowly unwrapping the gauze that bound Fai's arm.

"You," Kurogane breathed, staring at the wound. "You promised me, Fai. You told me that you were happy. That you wouldn't hurt yourself anymore in some messed up plight to feel."

The kendo member couldn't quite name the emotions that were filling his chest; fear, anxiety, sadness… but most of all, he was hurt. Wasn't he enough?

Fai looked up at Kurogane's mixed expression. The myriad of emotions that were piling up on the older boy's handsome face made him laugh. Soon, he became hysterical, laughing and sobbing at the same time until he just couldn't breathe anymore.

As he began to choke on his own breath, Kurogane scooped him up onto his arms. He was carried into the bedroom, and laid down on the cool sheets.

Without a word, Kurogane left, leaving Fai suffocating on his laughter and tears. However, he was not abandoned, as the older teen came back with a glass of water.

Kurogane held Fai forward, putting the glass to the boy's lips. "Drink," he commanded.

Fai obeyed, calming at Kurogane's unusually gentle touch.

"Now, tell me—what's so funny?"

Fai trembled, shaking his head. "It's so messed up… I thought I was happy too…"

"Thought?"

"No… I am happy," he said vehemently, turning to Kurogane with a desperate expression. "I don't want Kuro-sama to leave me!"

"Who said _that_?"

"I thought… that you'd want me gone after this…"

Kurogane sighed; staring at Fai's dejected stature. He pulled the junior into his arms, rolling his eyes as he said; "No, I understand… you can't stop, can you?"

"…Ah…"

"I hit the mark, huh? …Look, I'm begging you; tell me every time you feel like that. I'll yell or curse you out, but that'll be enough to stop you, right?"

Fai nodded, "I hope so…"

_Just open your eyes; just open your eyes_

Kurogane pressed his lips to Fai's kissing the boy fervently. "Why can't you just see it?" he mumbled against the blonde's lips.

The two kissed, tangling themselves against each other. "See what?"

"That there are things in life worth living for," Kurogane chided, pressing his forehead to Fai's.

The rising junior sighed softly. "There are two things I live for," he murmured, kissing his boyfriend between words. "You… and my friends. Other than you guys… I don't see the worth in living. You and the Gothix will be the only ones who mourn…"

As the days passed, those would be among the words that Fai came to regret the most in the world.

As he stood above the cedar coffin, watching as one of the ones he cared for was put away for eternity… He knew there would always be those who mourned… no matter what the person mourned for thought.

_And see that life is beautiful!_

"You really don't mind waiting?" Shaoran asked, holding Sakura's hands in his own.

Sakura grinned, laughing at her boyfriend's eagerness. "No, no; I'll wait outside while you go in. The store's a little too musty for my tastes."

Shaoran beamed, leaning forward to kiss Sakura quickly on the cheek before dashing into the vintage music store that they'd just discovered. Sakura laughed quietly to herself, leaning against a light post.

She hummed quietly to herself; trying not to think of the upcoming school year. Today wasn't for that. Shaoran had specifically planned the day for them, even finagling Fai into letting them out of practice. Of course, this had all been a surprise for Sakura, who was still bummed out over the summer homework and the tenuous relationship between her and Shaoran's twin, Syaoran.

She sighed, having let the subject creep up on her. "I wonder what's wrong," she mused, biting her lip.

As if summoned by thought alone, Syaoran appeared.

He tapped Sakura gently on the shoulder, causing the girl to squeak in surprise. "Oh! You scared me, Syaoran-san!" she exclaimed, beaming at the boy. "What brings you to this side of town?"

Syaoran shrugged, "Just things. Look… Sakura-san, I have something to tell you…"

Sakura blinked, looking down guiltily. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

Syaoran started, clearly surprised; "Why are you apologizing? Do you already know?"

"You dislike me, don't you?" The girl whispered.

Syaoran shook his head furiously; "The opposite!" he declared. "Sakura-san… I… I really like you," he mumbled, blushing.

Sakura gasped softly, taking a quick glance over her shoulder. "But… Syaoran-san…"

"I know, you and my brother are in love. It's obvious," the boy said bitterly.

"I'm sorry…"

"I know I don't have a chance. I just wanted to tell you."

Sakura shook her head, tears spilling out of her eyes, "But I like you, Syaoran-san! We're friends!"

Syaoran shoved his hands into his pockets, "Yeah, but that's not what I want… Just… forget about this, okay?"

"I can't just do that! Won't that hurt you?"

"I'm past the point where it hurts. So… can you smile for me?"

Sakura nodded, sniffling. "If that's what will make Syaoran-san happy!"

"Promise me something, Sakura-san," Syaoran demanded.

"Wh…what?"

"_Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my funeral?"_

Sakura stared at her boyfriend's twin in shock, not quite comprehending the horrible words. "What do you mean, Syaoran-san?"

Syaoran smiled sadly, then turned and walked off.

Seconds later, time seemed to freeze, and a girl's shriek filled the air.

_I know some things that you don't,_

_I've done things that you won't;_

Fai was lonely. There was no practice that day (something about letting Sakura and Shaoran out on a date, then it was a chain reaction from there), and Kurogane was out on a kendo-team meet. So, unlike the rest of his band members, he was alone, without his boyfriend. He'd actually hoped for a date, too, but the meet was a last-minute thing.

"I'm so bored!" he whined, sinking into the sofa. Maybe some television would cheer him up.

_A man in a black suit waved sheepishly to a crowd and smiled before multiple microphones were shoved into his face. "Mr. Flowright, after all these years in prison, what makes you think that you'll be elected back into office?"_

_The man smiled again, this time wider, his incisors glinting in the sunlight; "I was proven innocent in front of a group of peers, sir. Therefore, I've committed no crimes; in fact, I believe that my years in jail helped me understand people more." _

"_What about your remaining family?" A woman reporter asked, holding a microphone close to Ashura Flowright's face. _

"_I have a son; I hope desperately he'll forgive me for what he believed I did. It's my innermost desire to see us as a family again…" _

Fai watched in stricken horror; his body began to shake, and his hands covered his mouth. His stomach turned, and he bolted from his seat into the bathroom, violently ill all at once.

Memories flooded through him, his hallucinations phantasmagorical. Red, blood; the scent of death; his brother holding him tightly; IVs in a steady drip; seeing it all; knowing it all; lying about it all.

"He's going to kill me too!" Fai moaned.

He pulled his cell phone out of his back pocket, ignoring the frantic streams of calls that were incoming—he barely even looked at the number—instead, he called the one person who could save him.

"_Fai? What's wrong?"_ Kurogane's voice came through the speaker. His voice was strong enough to anchor Fai to earth for just a small moment, which was enough.

"I need you! Please, I need you; come save me!" The blonde cried, feeling his vision and grip on the world becoming fuzzy; "Come, please, or I'll do something I'll regret! I want to live," he whimpered; "Please…"

At his kendo-meet, Kurogane was holding the cell phone to his ear so tightly the plastic was beginning to crack; "What do you mean?! Answer me!"

… but it was too late; the line had already grown dead.

_There's nothing like a trail of blood to_

_Find your way back home;_

He could barely feel himself anymore. Slipping away… sliding away… All he knew is that he didn't want this knife to his veins, but it was there. … An escape; no one could protect him now…. Not Kurogane, not the police, not his brother…

Another slice.

Before he drifted again, he held one thought in the second's clarity of the cut. _Please, come before I die, Kuro-sama… Save me; tell me again what life can be… _

All the way home, Kurogane cursed traffic; it seemed like the fifteen minute drive to the apartment he shared with Fai had been elongated into hours. Every stop light he found was red; every intersection was teeming with people. When he finally got home, he sprinted up the stairs, cussing under his breath.

He opened the door, and was hit with the overwhelming smell of blood. Without even looking, Kurogane fumbled with his cell phone and dialed 911.

He staggered through the apartment, appalled at the lines of blood on the floor. Was this how Sakura and Watanuki felt last year when Fai had tried suicide for the first time? This horrible, sinking feeling in his gut that made himself want to be sick… He followed the blood into their bedroom, where Fai was propped up against the bed, unconscious as he slowly bled out into the carpet.

"FAI!"

Somewhere, Kurogane's shouts triggered memories in Fai's hazed mind.

"_One day, you'll crumble just like Yuui," Ashura sneered. _

_Coming home from running away, to find his mother hacked into pieces, blood bathing the walls. _

_Hiding in his room, darkness swathing every breath… Then screams, his screams; "FAI! FAI…_

"Fai!"

White, lots of white…. Then pain… all there was left was pain… Dying hurt, apparently.

_I was waiting for my hearse,_

_What came next was so much worse_

_It took a funeral to make me feel_

_Alive_

Later, if he strained, Fai could remember being put into the ambulance, the sirens hurting his ears. He could feel the phantom pressure on his dying limbs from Kurogane' vice-like grip on his hands. He could hear ragged sobs in the background, already weary from screaming. The most curious of all, he felt something warm and wet on his face…

After the ambulance ride, he couldn't remember anything else except for black. Inside of the black, he heard few words.

Then bright. When he opened his eyes again, light was pouring into a white hospital room. His limbs felt heavy, and when he moved, he could feel the numerous needles that poked out of him in a Frankenstein-like manner, pumping him full of all the things he needed to survive.

He settled back into the pillows, then looked over, aware of a warmth next to him.

Kurogane sat in a chair next to the bed, slumped over so his head was on the bed, deep asleep.

A small smile graced Fai's lips, and he raised his hand, grimacing as pain shot through his body. He groaned softly, and Kurogane bolted awake.

"Hullo," Fai said hoarsely.

Kurogane stared at Fai in disbelief for a moment, then sighed softly, "You're finally awake," he said wearily. Fai frowned—he'd never heard his boyfriend sounding that tired before. He studied Kurogane's face, taking in the slightly sunken cheeks and the heavy bags under his eyes.

"How long was I gone?"

"Three days," Kurogane mumbled. "They put you under for all your surgery."

Fai nodded, staring at the wall over Kurogane's head, "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Why, Fai?"

The blonde winced, shaking his head. "My father… was on the television…"

Kurogane stared at him blankly, then shook his head. "I won't press the matter. You're alive, and you're getting therapy."

"Alright," Fai mumbled begrudgingly; "So, what's happened?"

Kurogane's face instantly grew ten times darker. "Sakura was admitted into the hospital about the same time you were."

Fai's eyes grew wide, and he stifled a scream. "Why?! Is she hurt?!"

"Not physically… but mentally, the doctors are worried that she'll never recover…"

"_Why_?" Fai demanded.

Kurogane lowered his head; "Syaoran committed suicide in front of her eyes. He walked in front of a bus. She thinks it's her fault," he said softly. Fai watched Kurogane try to spit out the words, the muscles in his jaw and throat convulsing as he relayed the news.

Fai sat in stunned hush for a long time before dissolving into tears. He sobbed alone for a long while before Kurogane climbed into the small hospital bed and held him, silent tears falling from his eyes.

It only made sense that Kurogane would cry too; he, unlike Fai, had lived in the town his entire life, grew up with Syaoran, trained with him on the kendo team…

"The funeral?" Fai finally managed to choke.

"Tomorrow."

"Why?" Fai demanded, shaking his head, "Why?"

Kurogane shook his head, "Because, some people are like that," he answered.

The blonde shuddered, pressing his face into his boyfriend's shoulder.

Tears flowed freely down his cheeks, and he began to sob horribly, shaking. He hated himself now; wanting to die like that. No matter how horrible everything was for him, he had to live. There were people who didn't want to loose him…

He had to live… he had to live…

_Just open your eyes; just open your eyes_

_And see that life is beautiful!_

_Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my_

_Funeral?!_

The next day, Fai had to be put in a wheelchair, but otherwise, he was allowed to go to the funeral. Many people were there, crying. Shaoran stood at the head of the group, a stern scowl set onto his face. Sakura stood by his side, shaking with tears.

Fai's heart broke at the sight of her. "Kuro-sama, did you tell her?" he murmured, staring up at Kurogane.

"No. This is the first time I've seen her awake…"

Fai nodded with a small grimace. He lifted himself out of the wheelchair, standing on shaky legs. "Help me out a little here," he said, smiling softly.

Kurogane gave a soft grunt, and he wrapped an arm around Fai's waist, trying to make holding the blonde up natural.

They reached their friends a few minutes later. Sakura looked much worse close up. Watanuki and Doumeki stood behind her, looking much like bodyguards. Fai observed the four quietly. Sakura kept her distance from Shaoran; every time he reached out to take her hand or some small gesture like that, she flinched away. Every time, Shaoran's face grew stonier.

"Sakura-chan," Fai murmured, stepping towards her.

Sakura looked up at Fai with wide eyes, then ran the short distance between them, flinging herself into his chest.

Fai held his friend tight, his knees giving out. "You'll be okay, Sakura-chan," he whispered.

Sakura tightened her arms around Fai's waist. "Fai-san, it's all my fault… I wish it were me; I caused this…"

The blonde hugged Sakura tighter, his arms circling her thin body completely. There was nothing romantic in the embrace, but it was very intimate; like two souls reuniting. "It's not your fault."

Shaoran watched the two with a look of disgust, then turned away, walking off. Watanuki clenched his jaw, averting his eyes from the scene, ignoring their conversation. Only Doumeki and Kurogane watched, both silent. They stood over the pair, Kurogane now added to the role of bodyguard.

"Syaoran-san was always closer to my sister than I… when she died, he… Oh, Fai-san, it is my fault! If I hadn't fallen in love with—"

"Hush," Fai commanded. "Sakura-chan, I want you to listen to me… It is not your fault. It's his for doing it. I want you to open your eyes. Right now, you're hurting Shaoran and Watanuki, as well as Kurogane and myself. We love you very, very much, and would be very sad if you died as well," he urged, squeezing her gently.

"I would be sad too, if you died, Fai-san," Sakura said, shaking her head. "If I will open my eyes, will you open yours too?"

Fai smiled gently at the girl, "Yes, I will."

"So, what you're saying is, you stupid junior, you don't want anyone to cry when you're gone?" Kurogane demanded.

"No… I want them to only remember that I was happy, that my life was lived with no regrets… isn't that right, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura gave a weak smile, then nodded. "A beautiful life lived."

* * *

"And don't be wishy-washy about it," Kurogane snapped, looking at Fai.

_Alive_

_Just open your eyes; just open your eyes_

_And see that life is beautiful!_

_Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my funeral?_

_Just open your eyes; just open your eyes_

_And see that life is beautiful!_

_Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my funeral?_

Fai pulled the microphone close, singing for all he was worth. He hoped the message he'd written into the song reached someone; he hoped it saved someone from the pain.

It wasn't worth it to leave behind hurt in the world. This time his resolve was clear; no more pain. He had promises to fulfill, people to love, and friends to talk with. Day by day, life became beautiful again. It was hard, but one day, he hoped that he could have a funeral where no one cried… Because… well, his friends had had enough of that.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9: WthYou

**_A/N_**: _Ah! Hi! -shuffles around blushing and wringing hands- So, this is the... ah... chapter that finally bumped the rating. I figured it would be -clears throat- safter to just... Aw, screw the innocent act! I finally decided to write some heavily implied sex. God knows Fai would be so much less of an emo-muffin if he got laid as much as we want him to! -kicks Infintity and Celes arcs- (Whatever persuaded me to read them again!?) Anyway, with the 'sex' (it's more lime than lemon) in this chapter (In the first line, no less!) some stuff in the earlier chapers, and what's coming up with the next Gothix chapter... I figured it would be safter to bump the rating to M. Go tell all your friends now, and leave good reveiws!! **The song is "WthYou" (Remix from Reanimation) by Linkin' Park, featuring **__**Chairman Hahn and Aceyalone**._

* * *

**Chapter Nine: WthYou**

_**(Come on!)**_

_**I woke up in a dream today**_

_**To the cold of the static**_

_**And I put my cold feet on the floor**_

_**(Forgot all about yesterday)**_

_**Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore**_

_Fingers grasped at his skin, sliding with the slick sweat. He knew he couldn't keep going any longer, and as the man writhed beneath him, he came violently, collapsing against the thin frame pressed so damn close…_

Suddenly, a harsh ringing brought him out of his dream… "A _dream_," he grunted, rubbing his eyes viciously with the palms of his hands. He slid out of his bed, his feet connecting to the cold wood with a soft thump.

The taste of alcohol from the night before burned like acid in the back of his throat. He swallowed, feeling like he'd been stuffed with cotton. He rubbed his temples angrily. For a second there, he had thought he was back in Yama, fucking Fai into the ground, then holding him close afterwards.

A bitter laugh escaped Kurogane's throat, and he fell back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. In truth, it had probably only been a year or so since they were in Yama… That half a year together was wonderful, even from Kurogane's unromantic point of view. There was barely any communication between himself and Fai, save the few pictures drawn into the ground and gestures. He closed his eyes again, losing himself in the dream.

"_K…kuro-sama," the blonde breathed, wrapping his arms around Kurogane's shoulders. He mumbled something else in the gibberish that was his language, but the ninja silenced him with a kiss. He'd no clue what the magician was saying, but from the look on Fai's face, it was something that was breaking his heart. The ninja didn't want to put him through that. _

_Fai easily let Kurogane dominate him and the two slid easily into their passions once again._

With a sigh, he opened his eyes once more.

_**A little taste of hypocrisy**_

_**And I'm left in the wake of the mistake**_

_**Slow to react**_

_**Even though you're so close to me,**_

_**You're still so distant, and I can't bring you back**_

He rose to his feet once more, getting dressed quickly, trying to get away from the dream as fast as he could. He could still feel the ghost of Fai underneath his fingers, and he tried to shake it away, but it didn't work. It never did. The damn mage got under his skin and stayed there.

It was so hypocritical. He kept castigating Fai for holding onto whatever past _he_ had, but here he was holding onto their past. "This is this and that is that…" he muttered irritably.

He knew he Fai probably shirked off the memory as an accident, or maybe some warped way of communicating in Yama… Kurogane snorted; that wasn't true at all. They continued screwing each other senseless well into Lecourt.

It wasn't until Tokyo… Kurogane sighed, letting his hand rest on the doorknob, dreading what would happen in the next hour until the children woke up. A chilly hour with him trying to persuade Fai into eating, then afterwards, watching him dedicate himself to Sakura and no one else.

Even though he'd be in sight the entire day, it was like Fai had completely left the world… He'd changed so completely that he wasn't the idiot anymore.

Kurogane gripped the handle harder. What did the fool want him to do? Let him die? Then explain to the little princess that he'd died trying to do the impossible for her? Sakura already felt bad enough about what happened in Tokyo. And what about the other Syaoran? He blamed himself for the total breakdown of the kid.

He brought Fai's body back, but it was like the mage had died and he'd brought someone entirely different back to life.

But what else was he supposed to do? Let their family disintegrate? Yes, their _family_. Like hell he was going to let himself lose a family again. It might've been completely selfish of him, but at least it kept them all together, and all somewhat sane…

He opened the door, and stepped into the cold living area.

Fai sat on the couch, staring absently out the window at the industrialized skyline. His eye darted to Kurogane, then fell back to the window. "You're up late."

"I'm up at the same time as always."

"The children have already left," he muttered dryly.

"Together?" Kurogane asked incredulously.

"No. Alone," a worried frown crossed Fai's face, "Sakura-chan wouldn't let me come to the training with her…"

"Where's the kid?"

"Out; he said he'd do reconnaissance with Mokona."

"We already know how to get the feather."

Fai gave a soft grunt of annoyance, like the conversation bored him.

Kurogane sighed, giving up on talking anymore. He stepped into the kitchen and grabbed himself something to eat. He looked at the desolate food, irritated; he'd grown used to the grueling process of shoving Fai's sugar-laden breakfasts down so fast he couldn't taste them. His gaze traveled back to the living room, where the vampire still sat, staring wistfully out the window.

_**It's true**_

_**The way I feel**_

_**Was promised by your face**_

_**The sound of your voice**_

_**Painted on my memories,**_

_**Even if you're not with me,**_

_**I'm with you**_

That face! It irritated him so much; he wanted to shake Fai until the strain between them broke, and they could go back to the slow progress they were making. Before the incident in Tokyo, Fai had slipped up occasionally.

"_I don't want to cause anyone unhappiness by being associated with me…" _

Gods, the face he made then. Damn, it was so broken. At that moment, he knew he had to fix whatever it was. He'd do it too, by god. Fai was lonely, he knew it; the thing was, it was such a self imposed loneliness, not even the most physical of all connections could shake it.

He could remember how Fai sounded when they'd first had sex. He didn't understand what he was saying when it happened, but the tone of his voice and his face clearly said; "We may be doing this now, but I'm still going to be alone in the end. I know you'll leave me as soon as we get to your country…"

Kurogane grit his teeth, and stomped into the living room. He'd have a good talk with Fai. He'd always be at his corner. He'd sworn to that in Yama.

_**You, now I see, keeping everything inside**_

_**(With you)**_

_**You, now I see, even when I close my eyes**_

_**(With you)**_

_**You, now I see, keeping everything inside**_

_**(With you)**_

_**You, now I see, even when I close my eyes**_

"I'm not hungry," Fai said mechanically.

Kurogane blinked, then sighed. That's right. Lately, when he called Fai out it was because the damn magician hadn't eaten. Not because he finally got angry that he was standing at the corner alone.

"It's not about that."

"Then leave me alone."

"I can't do that."

"Why?" Fai asked, venom in his voice and words alike. "Because you _care_? Look where caring got me; a human parasite. Do you know how much that fucking hurt?"

Kurogane didn't wince. He knew; he was the one who held Fai down during his transformation. He could hear the screams still echoing inside of his mind—pain-laced and inhuman. He could never forget. But he also couldn't forget the icy indifference that ensued afterwards. He could never forget… that smile…

"Or was it because we fucked once upon a time?"

Fai stared up at the ninja, the blue in his eye being washed out with the vivid gold of the vampire that slept within him. The eye was a warning. It was a clear beacon of the dangers he held. Not even Kurogane could stand against a vampire raging full-force without a weapon. Even so, the swordsman held strong, not letting a muscle twitch.

Fai seethed, angry at not being able to raise a response out of his companion. "I hate you for what you did to me," he hissed, his face clearly saying that he thought he deserved to die.

Kurogane sighed, knowing what he was about to say was probably the sappiest thing on the face of the planet. "I don't care. I did it because I love you."

Kurogane could see the emotions whirling in Fai's inhuman eyes; the pain, the anger, the hatred, the sadness, the yearning, the drowning loneliness and guilt that always fringed his actions.

The taller man closed his eyes, remembering the face of the Fai that began their journeys together and the Fai that stood before him now... Which one of them was real?

This one. Undoubtedly. This hatred was real; this silence was a begrudging way of acknowledging a line passed. A barrier broken. **Whatever**.

_**I hit you and you hit me back**_

_**We fall to the floor**_

_**The rest of the day stands still**_

When Kurogane opened his eyes again, Fai was shaking in anger, his pupils fully contracted into the cat-like iris of a vampire infuriated. "It's true," he said firmly.

"I still love you."

Fai brought his hand up, his palm hitting Kurogane's face full-force, his half-extended talons scraping long gouges against the tan skin of the ninja's cheek. "I hate you," he raged, withdrawing his hand and balling both into fists.

Finally something snapped. Kurogane grabbed Fai's arm's, shaking the blonde man. "When will it sink in? You _don't_ hate me! You _can't_ hate me!"

"You're so goddamn cocky, **Kurogane**!"

"Don't say my name!"

The cold grin that Fai gave shook Kurogane to his core. This was egging the man on. How could he stop this and get his point across?

With a sharp growl, Kurogane lunged forward; slamming his lips so hard into Fai's that he tasted blood against his teeth. He felt Fai's hands push against him, struggling to get away, so he gripped the blonde hard enough to leave bruises. He pushed his tongue into Fai's mouth, sweeping it across the magician's tongue. He pulled the man to his chest, his hands falling from Fai's arms to his hips, squeezing until he felt the familiar press of the bone rising from the other man's thin hips.

He felt a small vibration against his chest, and he realized that Fai was screaming. He loosened his hold, but kissed him even harder. The blonde stomped down on Kurogane's foot, he bit the ninja's tongue, he even resorted to scratching, but Kurogane's resolve never wavered: Fai was not getting away.

Suddenly, Fai's tongue was sweeping the inside of his lip, and he winced as the magician prodded at the opening in the tissue from when he split it from kissing. It didn't matter, though; Fai was kissing back.

Slowly the blonde's resolve to resist melted, and they were sharing a heated kiss. Finally, Kurogane trusted Fai enough to stop kissing him so violently, and he dragged his mouth away from the blonde's swollen lips, leaving a thin trail of saliva as he kissed down Fai's chin, to his neck. He found a slight welt along the curve of Fai's neck where the Chess collar rubbed against his skin. He ran his tongue against it, feeling Fai wince and shiver against his body.

He squeezed Fai's hips, pulling him forward. His mouth traveled to the small hollow in the middle of the slighter man's neck, right above where his collar bone jutted out. He kissed it gently, and then bit down on the skin over the bone. Fai's throat vibrated beneath his lips as the blonde gave a soft moan.

Kurogane grinned wickedly, remembering the magician's masochistic streak. Nevertheless, he pulled back, attacking Fai's mouth once more.

It had been too long. Too long in the cold, too long without contact.

Fai's hands shook as his nails retreated, and he then reached up and twinned his fingers into Kurogane's hair. He too, had missed this. It was easier to put up the barriers than to fear the future where the ninja would surely be hurt, or worse, killed.

Kurogane's hands left Fai's waist, opting to roam every inch of exposed skin; which was a lot, considering how he dressed.

Their kisses grew hotter, and the touches more intimate. They finally fell to the floor, too wrapped up in the other to bother standing.

They paid no heed of the window, which was wide open; they ignored the fact that they had no clue when the children were coming home—time did not matter, except the measurement of how short the time was that they could continue to pretend to be lovers. It was too much.

Too much. Every kiss brought them closer, every caress took them higher, and every thrust broke apart each boundary that had been drawn.

For some, this would have crumbled all walls built. For Fai, it only encouraged him to build them higher. For Kurogane, it only told him that he had to try harder.

_**Fine line between this and that**_

_**When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real**_

_**Now I'm trapped in this memory**_

Somehow, in the midst of their 'love-making', they'd moved into Kurogane's room. It had eventually dawned on one of them (the details were lost in a lusty haze) that the living room floor, while kinky, was not an acceptable place to fuck.

Now Kurogane leaned over Fai, breathing softly. The blonde was asleep under him, and the ninja wondered for the world if he was just dreaming again. He raised a hand, tracing all the bruises and bite marks that were a testament between their closeness. His calloused fingers were light against the vampire's smooth skin.

He could swear that the bruises were already fading. By morning tomorrow, there would be no evidence left but the memory.

He sighed softly, his breath ruffling Fai's long hair. The blonde made a face, murmuring something in his sleep as he twitched within his dream.

Kurogane closed his eyes and laid down, resting his face over his companion's heart.

Everything was so wrong. Why couldn't they just put Tokyo behind them? Why couldn't Fai just accept that someone cared enough to keep him alive? That bad luck did not seem to follow him as he claimed?

He slid his hand over Fai's, lacing his fingers between the sleeping blonde's thin, cold ones. He wondered why he let his guard down around Fai. It had given the mage the perfect opening to wound him. Even now, he was vulnerable. When Fai woke, he knew his heart would be pummeled again; it would hurt too. In the last month, his heart had endured a beating that was so similar to the one he had suffered when his parents died; he was surprised that he'd been able to keep his cool. But that was one of the ways he'd changed since meeting the blonde.

He closed his eyes, letting himself be caught up with the familiarity of Fai's body, warmth, and comfort; because he was sure that this was the last time he'd ever be allowed to bask in it.

_**And I'm left in the wake of the mistake**_

_**Slow to react**_

_**Even though you're close to me,**_

_**You're still so distant, and I can't bring you back**_

_**It's true**_

_**The way I feel**_

_**Was promised by your face**_

_**The sound of your voice**_

_**Painted on my memories,**_

_**Even if you're not with me,**_

_**I'm with you**_

_**You, now I see, keeping everything inside**_

_**(With you)**_

_**You, now I see, even when I close my eyes**_

_**(With you)**_

_**You, now I see, keeping everything inside**_

_**(With you)**_

_**You, now I see, even when I close my eyes**_

He was right. When he awoke, Fai was gone, leaving only a phantom of himself in his wake.

Kurogane swung out of bed, walking out into the living room. It was dark, but he could still see quite clearly. A silhouette was cut against the window.

"Fai?"

The shadow moved softly, but no answer came for a long time. "I can't see the stars," the black figure said sadly.

"Well, we're in the city."

The silhouette nodded. Kurogane didn't know what else to do, or say, and Fai didn't do anything at all.

"Goodnight, Kurogane," Fai finally said icily, walking back into his room, closing the door behind him. It locked with a firm _click_.

_**(No!)**_

_**I won't let you control my fate**_

_**While I'm holding the weight of the world on my conscience!**_

_**(No!)**_

Kurogane stood out in the cold living room for a long time, trying to make out the stars in the sky. When he failed, he sighed sadly.

What was he aiming at? Trying to find a star for Fai, or for himself? He'd never wanted to wish on a star. That was a pansy move; lazy too. There was nothing you could wish for that you couldn't do yourself. (Well, aside from going through a bazillion different worlds, but he didn't actually _wish_ for that.)

However, his ideas on that were starting to change. He briefly wondered what it would cost him for Fai to tell him the truth… to know where he actually stood with the blonde.

Because it tortured him, to feel like he was the only one who felt it. The compelling tug towards the magician. Like he was fated for the man. As if he were doomed to chase after the infuriating blonde the moment he set eyes on his beautiful face that day in the rain.

He knew for certain that since he first heard Fai plead for him, he was tied to the man. He could never turn back.

Now, he had Fai's life flowing through his veins; the screams that were engraved into his brain reminded him constantly.

Two promises, conflicting with each other. Even though he longed to return to Nihon… he would gladly go gallivanting off into an infinite amount of dimensions if it meant being with Fai… If it meant not being, finally, alone.

It was certain. It bothered him to the point of physical pain to see Fai hiding like this, to see him worried, to see him distressed like he was.

_**I won't just sit here and wait**_

_**While you're weighing your options**_

_**You're making a fool of me! **_

_**(No!)**_

_**You didn't dare try to say that you don't care**_

_**And solemnly swear not to follow me there**_

He sighed, knowing he was going to get hell for what he was about to do. He stepped forward, and silently picked the lock on Fai's door. It was easy, between his ninja training and the cheap locks on the apartment doors.

He stepped in, his figure cast in a warm light that came from the lone lamp in the threadbare room.

"Get out."

Kurogane shook his head. Fai might be his fate, but he wouldn't follow him if this was how he was going to be treated. "We need to talk," the swordsman said evenly.

Fai snorted. "We did plenty of that today."

Kurogane grit his teeth, getting the distinct feeling that Fai was making fun of him. "Don't joke about those sort of things."

Fai grinned icily. "Poor Kurogane. Does rejection _hurt_? Does having your will bent against you and then flaunted in front of your face make you mad?

_(**No!) **_

_**It ain't like me to beg on my knees, **_

_**Oh, please, oh baby, please**_

_**That's no how I'm doing things**_

_**No, I'm not upset. **_

_**No, I'm not angry. **_

_**I know love is love; **_

_**Love and sometimes it pains me**_

_**With or without you, **_

_**I'll always be with you**_

_**You'll never forget me**_

_**I'm keeping you with me**_

"Don't make this about you; it's about us," Kurogane threatened, stepping forward.

"What about us?" Fai stepped forward, pressing his body close. He ran his fingers down Kurogane's arms, the cold, feather-light touch making the taller man shiver.

"There is no us. I don't love you in the slightest," Fai hissed, narrowing his eye. He stepped back, surveying the other man to see if he did any damage.

"…Don't say that. You know it's not true."

"How can you tell me what I feel?"

"It's not true. Don't say that it is."

"Are you begging?"

A cold gleam entered into Kurogane's eyes. "If I do, will you see reason?"

"There is no reason to see! I don't want to love you! _I can't love you_!"

"What?"

Fai clamped his hands over his mouth, scowling.

Kurogane stepped forward. "What's this about can't?"

Fai hissed quietly. "…I can't. _You've_ made it clear that _you_ don't love _me_. You hate people like me, don't you?"

Kurogane rolled his eyes and gave a sort laugh. "I'd not be like this if I didn't, you freaking idiot! I get irritated at you, but I don't hate you. Now that I've told you the truth, why don't you try it?"

"I won't," Fai muttered. However, his face softened considerably. "I still don't like you, Kurogane," he muttered

_**(No!) **_

_**I won't let you take me to the end of my rope**_

_**While you burn it and torture my soul; **_

_**(No!) I'm not your puppet**_

_**And no, no, no I won't let you go!**_

This was how their conversations always ended. With a cold glare and a name. Normally, that was the end of it, and Kurogane would stomp off angry…

Not this time. He wasn't going to let Fai have the last word, the satisfaction of winning. He wouldn't let the blonde control him to that point. He loved the smaller man, certainly, but there was a line that needed to be drawn.

Kurogane shook his head, sighing softly. "_Fai_…"

_**No**_

_**No matter how far we've come**_

_**I can't wait to see tomorrow**_

_**No matter how far we've come**_

_**I can't wait to see tomorrow**_

_**With you**_

_**You, now I see, keeping everything inside**_

_**You, now I see, even when I close my eyes**_

_**You, now I see, keeping everything inside**_

_**You, now I see, even when I close my eyes**_

"Fai," he murmured, purposely repeating the magician's name. Return the courtesy… only… he loved the way the blonde's name rolled off his tongue. … this was what was needed to keep his sanity, their ever changing battle between themselves. For now, he'd leave it at this impasse. "I found the stars."

Fai shook his head, "Don't change the subject," he murmured, but he then walked slowly to the window.

Kurogane followed behind him, and then wrapped his arms around the vampire's shoulders. "Don't move," he whispered.

Fai sighed softly. "I don't see any stars."

"Just stay."

After a while, the sun rose to see Kurogane still holding Fai tightly, while the blonde leaned against his companion, looking less sour and more content.

Far from a happy ending, but it was satisfactory enough for Kurogane.


	10. Chapter 10: Savin' Me

**A/N: **_Let's get the warnings out of the way first. The story's rated M for a reason: __This chapter contains mild violence, rape, child abuse, and explicit angst. __Now for the author begging for her life: _

_PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! See, if you kill me, you won'__t get anymore Gothix! See the end notes for more details, explanations, and terminology used in this chapter... This is the longest chapter I've ever written to anything in my entire life. I don't know how many pages this would be if you printed it from fanfiction, but it's near FORTY on my word processor. The song is "Savin' Me" by NickleBack. _

_**NOTE: This version is NOT betaed. With very limited editing. Normally, I have someone read over these and point out little things. But, this time, the guy who does it for me looked at the number of pages and passed it back, saying "I haven't read chapters one through nine! Sorry!" and ran away. Whimp.** _

* * *

**Chapter ****Ten: Savin' Me **

His phone was ringing. Incessantly. He wanted so much not to answer it; he wished so hard that the number didn't exist… and then… He answered it.

"… Aunt Chi?" he murmured into the speaker, hands shaking horribly.

"Oh, good, Yuui, darling," a woman's voice came through the phone, reassuring in warmth, jarring in how ten years had done nothing to change his aunt's voice. "I was starting to believe that the number was faulty."

"No… So… why are you calling? You know it's against the rules, Auntie…"

"Well, it's your father Yuui."

His hands tightened around the phone, his teeth clenched as he tried to still their chattering. "What about him?"

"I know he's done some bad things, but, dear… He's changed."

"…Yes?"

"Well… he's landed himself in jail again."

How ironic.

"You said he's changed," he said coolly.

"Oh, it was nothing of harm, but he just punched a few paparazzi that got in his way. He needs to be bailed out, however."

"Why are you calling me, Auntie?"

"We're trying so hard to keep this from the media," Chi fretted, "And they've got tabs on our bank accounts… And you have your own, and I know you're not going to touch your father's money, but we really need your help with this…"

"Can I wire it over?"

"Well… no…" Chi murmured.

"How long?"

"Three days."

"Auntie, do you and uncle still own that resort in town?"

"You know we do, but ...?"

"We're Flowrights. Get my school to come on a trip there and I'll come in bail him out. I can't just go on my own in the middle of school."

Chi sighed happily, "Oh, thank you. Your father will be so happy to see you! And if you could, you could go see—"

"No family reunions. Too many Flowrights in one place is bad. Auntie, we have to be discreet about this. I like where I am, and I…"

A door opened in the background, and he started, dropping the phone.

"_Yuui? Are you okay, you—?"_

Chi's voice echoed through the room, and he dove for the phone, muffling the speaker as he pushed it to his chest.

"Fai, are you okay? I heard you drop something."

"_Yuui? Who's__ there?" _

Fai looked from the phone to Kurogane and then back to the phone desperately. "NOTHING!" He shouted, "GO AWAY!"

Kurogane's eyes went wide, and he stepped back, "Fai, what the hell's going on here?"

"SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Fai shook in terror as he watched his boyfriend's face shift from bewilderment to anger then finally to a reluctant acceptance, "Fine," Kurogane snapped, stalking out of the room.

"Yuui," Chi murmured, confused, "What was that?"

"No one, Auntie," Fai sobbed, "No one." He hung up on her then, letting the phone slip from his hands as he cried. He let the hysterics take over him then, curling tightly against himself. He pressed back into the sofa, the hard lines scoring into his back.

He had agreed to it. How? Why? Was he that much of a masochist? His father, _god dammit_! He'd agreed to help him out of jail! With this… one wrong step… could leave him high and dry and tear him away from everyone. **Forever**.

"Kuro-sama," he whimpered, pressing his palms to his face.

Arms wrapped themselves around his frame, lifting him up into the air. "Hush. There's nothing to cry about, I'm not mad," Kurogane chastised, cradling Fai against his chest.

"You should be,_ oh, you should_!"

Kurogane rolled his eyes. "Idiot," he snorted, carrying Fai into their bedroom. He dumped the blonde onto the bed, then climbed on top of him, his face hovering over his boyfriend's. "If you don't quit crying, I'll beat you up."

"So… mean," Fai sniffled, hiccupping softly as he tried to stifle his tears.

Kurogane pressed a tender kiss to Fai's forehead, "I thought you swore you'd tell me everything."

Fai reached up and pulled Kurogane close, closing his eyes, "_One day_…" he murmured, shaking his head. "Why are you doing this?!"

"This is the only way I know how…" Kurogane murmured, pressing his face to the inside of Fai's neck. "To calm you down when you get like this…"

Fai gave a silent sob, then let the other teen take him, drowning in the guilt of the web of lies he'd ensnared so many innocent in.

_Prison gates won't open up for me,_

"It's so weird that this trip came out of nowhere," Watanuki murmured, turning back to face the rest of the people in the van. "I don't know where and why Yuuko-san came up with it…"

Fai shrugged, putting on his best childlike face. "You're her adopted son, Watanuki; you should know Principal Ichihara's personality better than we do."

Watanuki nodded thoughtfully, shifting back into his seat.

"Who cares?!" Shaoran replied loudly from the back. "We get a break from school! And, I've really wanted to go to Celes for a long time!"

"Oh, Shaoran-kun…" Sakura sighed distastefully, "If you break any bones snowboarding, I'll not feel sorry for you at all."

Everyone laughed, except for two people. One was Doumeki, who was driving, but never really laughed anyway except to tease Watanuki, the other was Fai.

"You okay?" Kurogane murmured, drawing Fai close.

Fai shivered softly, snuggling into the older teen's side. "I don't like long drives," he said by way of explanation. "I'm going to go to sleep."

Kurogane shifted so that Fai was in his lap, holding the other boy close.

Fai drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep, even though he normally felt quite at ease in Kurogane's arms… it was what he was about to do…That plagued him the entire ride there.

About three hours later, they were standing in a semicircle around a small woman with long blonde hair. "Okay, you all are from Koryo High?" she chimed, clapping her hands.

"Yes," Watanuki, Sakura, and Shaoran chorused.

"Last group of the day! How many of you are here?" She inquired, counting heads. Her amber eyes fell onto Fai and her smile half vanished, "Oh…"

"What is it?" Sakura asked, frowning.

The woman quickly composed herself, "I had expected one more girl… You'll be in a room by yourself, okay?" she informed Sakura, nodding. "My name is Chi, by the way, and I'm the co-manager of this hotel, along with my husband. Now, I'm here to inform you of some things; there's been some construction going on in the hotel. Unfortunately, it's not finished. So, in order to be safe, don't go out onto the balconies or onto floors that have been marked with yellow signs…"

Chi continued to speak, and Fai fell into a reverie, smiling softly. Chi had always been his favorite aunt; it was where he got his energy. Other than his mother, he'd been the only one able to keep up with her.

Kurogane looked at Fai, then to Chi, frowning. That woman could be his mother, he realized. Their hair was the same shade of gold, and their bone structure was eerily similar. And the way the woman's eyes lingered on Fai… Maybe they were long lost family or something…

He didn't bring the subject up, however. Instead, he and Fai settled into their room in silence, the blonde unusually aloof.

"I'm… going out," Fai muttered.

"Where?"

Fai shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. "I wanna explore!" he said, grinning for all he was worth.

Kurogane stared at him, "Don't lie."

"I'm not. I'm going exploring," Fai protested, his smile fading quickly.

"Whatever, don't tell me," the older teen grunted, flopping back onto his bed. "Just be back before check-in time, or I won't sign you in."

Fai sighed, "I'll be back… then we can go on a date, Kuro-chan. Meet me at six in the hotel lobby. You won't stand me up, will you?"

Kurogane looked at his boyfriend, surveying him up and down, then cracked a small smile, "I'd get hell if I did," he chuckled.

"I'll see you later, then…"

Fai left, leaning against the door as he closed it. He pulled out his cell phone, calling his aunt. "Is it ready?"

"Ooh, Fai! I was so surprised when I saw you. You've grown up so handsomely! Freya would be so proud of you!"

"Auntie, I asked if everything was ready."

Chi sighed softly, "Yes, I've got your suit and a car ready out front. The driver will know who you are. Stay clear of any press," she said warningly.

"Like hell I will…" Fai muttered, stepping into the elevator. "The lost proverbial son, breaking the law to see his screwed up father."

"Yuui… I can tell you, he's _changed_… But there are other reasons… You know what our family is involved wi—"

"Don't," the blonde snapped. "Look, I have to go. I'll call you or something when it's done."

He hung up on his aunt, pocketing the phone as he made his way begrudgingly through the lobby. An hour later, as he stepped from a black-windowed unmarked car, his appearance could be no more drastically different.

He donned a black suit with no tie, and his hair was not its normal wispy self; instead, it was pulled it back into a ponytail. "I'll be back as soon as possible," he murmured to the driver.

He strode purposely into the city jail, shuddering at its familiarity. "God, has it been that long?" he muttered, shaking his head.

He made his way to the check point, closing his eyes as he was checked for weapons. Once he was cleared, a set of four guards led him down a small hallway with dismal lighting. Fai suppressed a shudder, walking slowly down the cement floor. He was led to a metal door, which one of the guards opened with a key.

The room was ordinary enough, white washed walls with glass panes and a single metal table with two chairs furnished the room, but upon seeing who occupied the room, it was all Fai could do to not turn and throw up.

"Why, hello Yuui. I'm surprised the Marshalls would let you even come to our fair town," said the icy figure from his past.

"_Reed_," Fai spat between grit teeth, "You're _still_ his lawyer?"

"I don't know why this surprises you," the lawyer said nonchalantly.

Along with his father, Fei Wang Reed was one of the most despised people in Fai's life.

"You should be in jail," Fai hissed. The bastard manipulated evidence, paid off witnesses, and much else besides.

"You make very provocative accusations," Fei Wang said, leaning back into his chair. "I could sue. Or I could make sure you're taken away from your cushy little fairytale life. "

Fai rolled his eyes. "How much is bail?" he inquired, pulling out a checkbook from his pocket.

"Can't resist the Flowright genes can you? It always resorts to throwing about money. Your family has become fairly active in this day and age… for a ma—"

"SHUT UP!" Fai shouted, banging his hands onto the metal table. The guards stepped forward, their hands flying to their weapons. "Ju…just let me pay his way out," he whispered.

A smirk spread across Fei Wang's face; he, like Fai's father, seemed to feed on the misery of others. (This was why he was a lawyer…) "It's not high at all; $2,000. Make the check out to Ruval County."

Fai clenched his jaw as he spelled out his name, repulsed at how it looked against the paper. _Yuui Flowright_. It was just so ugly; for ten years, he'd been writing _his_ name…

"… Can I see him?" Fai asked, looking to the guards.

"Yeah," one of them answered. Fai gave a cordial wave to Reed, who gave a smug nod in return.

The guards lead Fai into the jail, taking him directly to his father's cell. Time seemed to whirl past his head, seconds turning to minutes and the minutes turning to seconds. It could've been that they kept his father in the back of the jail to avoid attention, or they kept him up front… Fai wasn't sure… but there he was…

Ashura Flowright sat cross-legged on the bed, reading a book in a rumpled suit, looking as if he could care less that he was in jail.

Fai laid his hands to the bars, pressing his forehead to the metal, "… Dad," he mumbled softly. "I've come to get you."

Ashura closed his book with a snap, smiling kindly at his son. "Does your boyfriend know you're here? He made it clear last April that I was not welcome around you."

"We've talked about it… He says it's fine this once," Fai lied.

"My little Yuui, I've always been able to tell when you lie."

"… You never noticed when we were young," Fai said icily. He stepped back from the jail cell, allowing the jailer to unlock it.

His father strode out purposely, placing a hand on Fai's shoulder. "Thank you; it's a shame that my own son has to be sent," he laughed.

Fai shuddered. Ice seemed to creep down his spine, and he felt like a lead brick had been placed upon his shoulder. "I've gotten you," he murmured, looking up at his father's face. "May I leave?"

"No," Ashura hissed, a grin still spread across his face. Only now, its geniality had been lost to a cold, sickening smirk that seemed to take all the color from the world, leaving it in only cold and cruel grays.

Fai gulped, the lead traveling from his shoulder to his stomach. "Where are you going to take me?"

"It won't really matter; all you'll be seeing is the ceiling. Maybe the floor," Ashura said vindictively once they were out of earshot.

"No," the blonde whimpered, "**No**. _**No**_…"

"Little Yuui, are you afraid of me?"

At this point, they were at the check point. Ashura let go of Fai's shoulder as his things were returned to him.

Fai wanted to run. He wanted to take off, sprint back to the hotel, back into Kurogane's arms. He wanted to scream and beg and plead until he was taken back home. He wanted to make himself so small that Ashura could never see him, never find him. …Better yet, he wanted to die.

His hands began to shake, and he curled them into fists, his nails digging bloody crescents into his palms. …It didn't have to be by cutting this time… He could drive himself off a bridge, overdose on something… jump from the balcony… Anything, anything, anything just to get away!

No one noticed how Fai's eyes began to glaze over, how he became unobservant to everything… No one except for Ashura noticed. He gave a secret smirk, and took his son's hand, slowly unclenching them. "Let's go, Yuui. I'll take you out to thank you."

Fai nodded blankly, "Okay," he whispered lifelessly, his hands going loose in his father's.

_On these hands and knees I'm crawling on;_

Slowly, he was losing what was left of his mind. Every touch plucked at the stray threads that held his sanity together. Every time a burning kiss was placed to his skin, the stitches that held the scars together were being torn. He was left bleeding, the old psychosis returning, oozing from every crack in his façade... His name… his name… suddenly was his name again. After years and years of running from his birthright, it caught up, suddenly and harshly, tearing him into shreds.

"You look so much like your mother…"

Flashes of blood and gore, sweat and tears, alcohol and smoke, bleach and metal came swarming back to him. He gagged, bile bringing his senses back. He raised his hands against the body above him, pounding against the sweat-slicked skin.

"NO!"

Ashura grinned wickedly, pounding into the body below him. "Scream, go ahead."

He never was one to follow orders, but Yuui screamed at the top of his lungs, until he choked, until his voice was so hoarse that all that came out was a strangled gurgle. "Help me! Please… help me… _Kurogane_…" he whimpered.

The man over him laughed, "My poor little Yuui… He won't come and help you now… You're not who he thinks you are." Ashura reached down between Yuui's legs and squeezed, sending the boy to an orgasm. "I mean, who would actually enjoy this?"

The boy trembled beneath his father, tears flowing thickly down his face. No one could save him now. They were all gone. His beloved mother, his other half, and his love… When Kurogane found out about this, what would he do? Would he still love him? Would he be disgusted at the filthy lies and words? Would he despise him for being so weak…? He wouldn't love him at all anymore… It was the type of person he was; because Yuui was just the type of person he hated. "Why?" he whimpered, his eyes fluttering shut, "Why?"

He never thought he'd be flattered with an answer. "Because that bitch stepped out," Ashura hissed, violently shoving himself deep within his son.

Yuui gave a weak scream, his body lifted off the seat of the car as he writhed in pain. Ashura's fingers grabbed onto his wrists, drawing bloody crescents into the skin. "I _wasn't_ enough for that little _slut_." With every word, the man grew rougher and rougher, drawing blood everywhere.

"_**Stop**_!"

"Then she gives birth to two little blonde brats that weren't mine!"

He screamed, coughing up blood. Something in his back cracked.

"She ruined the Flowright name!"

"ALL WE EVER TRIED TO DO WAS FOLLOW YOUR RULES!" Yuui screamed.

Ashura snapped, his face growing cold. He began to laugh, pulling out of the boy underneath him.

Yuui curled in on himself, sobbing as he bled.

"_What if I told you that Fai wasn't dead, my Yuui?" _

_All I reach for you_

Somehow, he had made it back to his room. He crawled into his bed, ignoring the pain that shot through his body with every movement, and the blood that was seeping through his clothes. Sleep. Blissful, blissful sleep. That's all he wanted.

He wanted the darkness to come and take him away, and he wanted to never awake again. He closed his eyes, and prayed for death.

As Fai fell into a fevered slumber, Kurogane sat in the lobby, staring at the clock in irritation.

"Damn him," he hissed, standing from his table. Fai was hiding something, goddammit! First he lied, and then he stood him up!

To say in short, Kurogane was livid. He stomped through the lobby, cursing under his breath.

"Kurogane-san!" Sakura waved the older teen over, standing on her toes to get the senior's attention.

Kurogane stalked over to her, scowling.

"Give this to Fai-san," she said, smiling as she pushed a bag of medicine into Kurogane's hands. "I saw him coming out of the infirmary a few minutes ago. I think he got sick or something," she murmured, frowning softly. She surveyed her friend's face; "Is that why you're so mad?"

Kurogane blinked, his temper instantly cooling. If Fai was sick, then it was a completely different matter.

"Uh, yeah," he mumbled awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. "I'll tell him you're worried…" he took the bag from Sakura, then rushed off, heading straight for their hotel room.

He entered quietly, not wanting to disturb his boyfriend if he was asleep.

He could hear Fai breathing in harsh, shallow breaths. Kurogane frowned, walking into the sleeping area of their room.

Fai was curled up under the covers, his face pink with a fever, his face scrunched into a resolute and pained frown. His chest heaved under the covers with each wheezing breath, and sweat shone on his forehead.

Kurogane sunk down onto the bed, laying his hand on Fai's forehead. The blonde unconsciously shrank from the touch, moaning softly.

The senior rose from the bed, fetching a damp rag from the bathroom, along with Fai's pajamas.

He sat back down on the bed, wiping the sweat from the junior's face and neck, slowly peeling back the covers.

He froze.

Underneath the blankets, Fai only wore a pair of boxers. His wrists were swollen and displayed five crescent shaped wounds that were red and oozing; his chest and stomach sported small bruises and bite marks; blood was smeared down the insides and backsides of his thin thighs…

There were two immediate possibilities. Neither of which were very… desirable to Kurogane.

It wasn't like he didn't recognize the signs. In fact, it hadn't been uncommon until recently for he and Fai to have rough sex every now and again… but the damage was never _this_ bad. This was just _brutal_.

Which begged the question in Kurogane's mind: _**Who**__ the __**hell**__ did this_? It wasn't him…

Which lead back to the two possibilities; Fai had either slept with a man that was not Kurogane willingly… or he'd been raped.

As utterly horrifying as it was to even consider it, Kurogane, in the deepest corners of his mind, hoped it was the latter. Because… that meant… that Fai wasn't cheating on him. However, the first began to batter its way into consideration.

Fai's odd, psycho kitty behavior had started when he found out they were going to Celes. He had started making phone calls in hushed tones at odd times, he'd barely let Kurogane touch him, and every other word he spoke was a lie.

Kurogane gave an inward scoff. Fai wouldn't cheat on him… would he?

The senior sighed heavily. It wasn't like he was insecure in their relationship, like most people imagining their other cheating… but… Seeing this made his stomach churn… But even more than that, it made him angry.

He knew Fai wouldn't tell him.

He slowly pulled the covers over Fai's body, shaking his head sadly. He deposited the rags into the hamper, and pulled out a change of clothes. "Sorry. I can't deal with this with a straight head," he muttered to his unconscious boyfr… Fai. He made his way to Shaoran's room, explaining that Fai didn't want him to catch whatever he had if it was contagious, and Shaoran let him stay the night.

The next morning, Fai awoke from blissful black feeling like he had been run over by a truck. "Go to hell, dad," he groaned, sitting unstably. Once the pain that wracked his body was bearable, he stood slowly, collapsing to the ground. "Kuro-sama, can you help me?" he mumbled pitifully. At this point, he was in so much pain that he'd tell his boyfriend the entire truth this time. He looked up, then found that he was alone in their hotel room.

The only light that was on was the dim reading lamp on the other side of the room and the bathroom light. The clock read 5:30—Fai knew for a fact that Kurogane didn't like waking up before six when he didn't have to. The other teen should still be asleep.

He sat up slowly, hissing expletives as he moved. He laid a hand on Kurogane's bed and was shocked to find it cold. Fai bit his lip, standing.

He staggered into the bathroom, the trouble of putting one foot in front of another enough to drive his worries about Kurogane to the back of his head. Once in the bathroom, he pulled his boxers off, tossing them into the hamper. As he did, he saw a rag tinged slightly pink near the top.

Fai's eyes widened, and he looked at himself in the mirror. He raised his hand to a bite mark on his neck that he knew had blood on it when he collapsed—it was clean.

"God dammit," he moaned, sinking to the floor, shaking. Tears fell down his cheeks. He was going to _tell_ him this time! What his father had done! What his father did to him the last time! Everything! So why the hell did the gods that be have to punish him?!

Kurogane was mad at him! He was probably absolutely livid! He pressed his forehead into the cold rim of the bathtub, sobbing softly. _He couldn't lose Kurogane now; he couldn't tell him!_

He hiccupped, torn between what his boyfriend deserved, and what his ignorance protected. "Why, dammit," he whimpered. He weakly punched the floor, hating himself for bringing himself back into his screwed up family. And no matter how much Ashura hated him, he had to be bitterly thankful that this was the worse that would happen to him. No one would dare kill the boss's son but the boss himself—even if he screwed the boss over.

"Stop crying."

Fai looked up, eyes wide, as he drew a hitching gasp. Kurogane stood in the doorway of the bathroom, leaning against the post, scowl set deep in his features. A slight look of pity mixed with revulsion was drawn into the anger, but it was only a fleeting thing. "Clean yourself up," he ordered sharply.

The blonde stared longingly up at the older teen, "K…uro," he breathed, lips trembling.

He reached out, but found that he was too far away to grab onto his boyfriend.

Kurogane stared at Fai for a moment, debating whether to leave the boy there or not. In the end, his anger was defeated and he stepped forward, pulling Fai up into his arms carefully. "I'm angry, moron," he snapped, carefully depositing the junior on the small chair in the corner of the room.

Fai winced, giving a soft hiss of pain. It hurt to sit directly down. "Kuro-sama, I… I'm sorry," he whispered abashedly, dropping his head. Tears leaked down his face.

"You didn't choose it, did you?"

Fai looked up, confused and hurt at the accusatory tone in Kurogane's voice.

The elder sighed, then turned, turning on the bath. "So you didn't." His hands shook, rage creeping up into the back of his throat; he was so mad that he could see red in the corners of his eyes. "Tell me," he said slowly, deliberately so his voice wouldn't betray his utter fury at the information.

Fai stared at Kurogane's back, watching it shake. "N…no," he murmured.

Kurogane spun around, his eyes burning with completely unrestrained anger. Fai shrunk back; those eyes were something to fear. Ashura wore the same look of fury the night before when he had…

"_Tell me_."

Fai gulped. He was scared. He knew Kurogane was daunting sometimes, but he'd never been on the receiving end of the senior's infamous temper. "No," he whimpered, shaking, "I can't tell you. I can't."

"Did this guy threaten you?"

Hiccupping as he held back tears, Fai shook his head furiously.

"_Then why the fuck won't you tell me?!_"

"I can't."

Suddenly, Fai was left reeling, his hands clasped to his face. He could taste blood in his mouth, and he could feel it running down his face from his lip. His head hurt, and the room swayed in front of him. There were four Kurogane's, holding his hand out in a post-striking position. As he recovered from the shock, all that was left was an acute, throbbing ache in his head that made him want to sink to the floor, unconscious. But worse than that, was the feeling that sank into his heart—the complete, unadulterated sting of absolute rejection.

Kurogane, of all people, had hit him.

Tears came then. He began to sob so hard that tears couldn't even come; he drew his knees up to his chest, the pain in his heart and head nothing compared to the aches of the night before. He convulsed violently, choking on air and spit, his nails digging deep into his skin. He could hear his voice choke and splutter out helpless and heartbroken gasps and moans.

It was too much. He _needed_ Kurogane. He couldn't lose him now. He couldn't. _Couldn't_.

Was he so vile now that it justified hitting him? A harsh sob worked its way out of his throat, tearing at the already raw flesh. Kurogane had never been rough enough to hurt him before. He'd always been careful before, even when he was angry. He never hit to hurt, and everything else was rough in the playful sort of way. The older teen had never used his strength before with Fai; he'd always been affectionate and gentle in such a way that it was obvious that he cared. Or was it just that—that this time was far too much for the older teen to take and he _didn't _care anymore?

Fai turned his face upwards, bawling; "Why!?" he shouted. This wasn't fair to him! He was protecting _Kurogane_, not himself when he refused to tell! If he told, Kurogane would hunt his father down and kill him! Then he'd be in prison, and Fai would be whisked away to who knows where and never even get to have a damn visit. If it meant protecting his love from that, he'd gladly go through last night hundreds of times, just as long as he could keep Kurogane!

Kurogane backed up, staring at his boyfriend's face. Angry and hurt, tear-filled blue eyes bore into him, Fai's beautiful face marred with an already-darkening bruise, swollen eyes, a busted lip, and tears turned pink by blood.

He stood staring for the longest time. Finally, water lapping against his feet snapped him from his horrified stupor. He quickly turned, shutting off the water and unplugging the drain. After that, the backed slowly out of the bathroom, completely and utterly aghast and sickened with his own actions. "Fai…"

"Get out!" the blonde whimpered, curling in on himself once more.

Kurogane, too shocked to defy the younger boy or realize how cowardly he was being, turned and left the hotel room.

He ran smack into Sakura and Watanuki.

"Kurogane-san?" Sakura asked, staring up into the senior's face. "We heard yelling and crying."

Kurogane ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah."

"Did you and Fai have a fight?" she asked warningly, a look of what seemed to be annoyance passing across her cute face.

"A bit."

Sakura rolled her eyes, brushing past Kurogane.

The senior grabbed her wrist tightly, pulling her away from the door. "Don't go in there." He honestly didn't know who he was protecting—Fai from being seen in the condition he was in, or himself... He didn't want Sakura to know that he, of all people, had _hit_ Fai. Out of the inner workings of the Gothix, Sakura was the one closest to Fai. She was even more in tune with him than Kurogane himself was. "He doesn't want anyone to see him."

Sakura shook her hand free from Kurogane's grasp. "More like you don't know anyone to know anything," she snapped, glaring up at him. "Don't think you can cover up what you've done. I heard you hit him. Watanuki's room is right next door, and I was in there," she hissed.

Kurogane took a step back. He'd never seen this girl like this. Her face was set into a look of dead determination. "I didn't…."

Sakura reached up and smacked him. "I don't know what you two were arguing about, but Fai is _sick_ right now. _You_ do not _**hit**_," she said daintily, then pulled the door open and stalked in, Watanuki following silently after her, acting for the world like Kurogane didn't exist at all.

Which made perfect sense. He stood out in the hall, staring at the wall as he heard Sakura's pained gasp as she discovered Fai. Those two were Fai's friends. They knew more about the blonde than he did. As he thought it over, he realized… it was Sakura who told him about Fai's family situation. Not Fai. It was Sakura who first pointed out Fai that day after school. Fai was the type to never speak up in that situation. Fai even said that those two were his first friends when he moved to Koryo. As much time as they spent together… as mad as he was right now, as hurt as he was—Fai's denial had deeply hurt him, almost like he was betraying the older teen—it couldn't compare to the anger and the pain that Sakura and Watanuki, his oldest friends, would feel.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and stalked off, feeling like complete and total shit.

"H…how could this happen?! I… I love him so much, Sa-Sakura-chan!"

Sakura held Fai close, closing her eyes. It was too late to prevent the ones she loved from being scared by these sorts of mistakes, but she'd be dammed before Fai, or Kurogane for that matter, was hurt again.

_Well, I'm terrified of these four walls,_

_These iron bars can't hold my soul at all_

_And all I need is you;_

While Fai had adamantly refused going to the hospital, Sakura and Watanuki had finally talked him into it when his pain grew so bad that he passed out. Now he was sitting, bored, in a hospital room for twenty-four hour observation, Sakura (again) having cute-ed his way into a room. Hell, he didn't even have to flash his name, all Sakura had to do was flutter her eyelashes and tear up a little bit (much to Shaoran's chagrin).

He laid back into the pillows, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. He didn't hurt anymore, physically, but emotionally, he was beaten. He hated hospitals. Especially this one.

_Don't think about that. Don't think about that. _

Despite his mental battle, the room began to resemble more and more like the one so many years ago, complete with the smell of blood.

Fai swung his feet to the floor, running to the bathroom to wash his mouth and nose of any remnants of blood; he couldn't take it.

"_What if I told you Fai wasn't dead, my Yuui?" _

_There was no response from the catatonic blonde in the backseat, only a slight snuffle as he recognized his twin's name from the deep insanity he was slipping into. _

"_He's very much alive," Ashura whispered, gripping the wheel. "That's what saved me. And still saves me. He didn't die within that year. I can no longer be charged with his manslaughter." _

"_You killed my brother," Yuui whimpered, hugging himself tightly. _

"_Yuui, Fai is still alive. The doctors say he'll be waking up soon." _

"_Do…ctors…?" _

"_Yes. I had to get you to come here; that's why I made sure I was put into jail." _

_Yuui raised his head, staring petulantly at his father. Ashura laughed at the expression when he saw it in the rearview mirror. _

"_You __**planned**__ this?" _

"_I know you well, don't I?" _

_Yuui sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I'd like it better if you'd come to spend time with us every now and again," he whispered childishly, his blue eyes glazed and his pupils dilated. _

"_Maybe one day," Ashura amended. _

"_Why did momma have to die?" _

"_Because a bad man killed her," the man murmured, clenching the wheel even tighter. _

"…_Fai's gonna be okay, right?" _

_Ashura nodded, "I've put all my best men in charge of making sure." _

_Yuui sunk back down into the seat, yawning. "…when Fai wakes up, you'll love me and him again, right papa?" _

_It was a long time until Ashura answered, but by this time, Yuui was asleep. Ashura parked in the back lot of his sister-in-law's hotel, sighing. He turned towards the backseat, reaching out to stroke Yuui's hair. "I never stopped… Yuui, you can hate me all you want… but I didn't want this life for you, or Fai, or Freya… You three were too fragile for the mafia…"_

He was… still alive…

Fai pulled on his socks, then padded to the receptionist. "I want to see Fai Flowright," he demanded softly.

The nurse looked apprehensive at first, sizing up Fai. "We have two here," she whispered finally, looking around conspiratorially.

"The one that wasn't admitted this morning," Fai muttered exasperatedly.

"Are you family?"

"I'm his twin brother dammit!" Yuui snapped, banging his fist against the counter. It made his swollen joints throb, and an acrid taste burn in the back of his throat. His heart ached hollowly. There was no way he was going back to Koryo at this rate. Even if the Marshalls hadn't been keeping strict tags on him, Yuui Flowright, who was dead on the records, had a check floating around, in Celes no less. This boded bad news for the teen, and no matter the family ties, he was sure as hell no match for the FBI. So… he'd lost his boyfriend, he was going to lose his friends, his sanity was washed down the toilet, and his body could probably only handle a few more years of this abuse… Why the fuck should he not abuse his power to see his brother one last time? If it meant running from the feds… Well, his family was good at that; it was genetic almost. "Does the name Flowright not mean anything to you?"

He hated it, though, watching the woman shrink back in fear. He didn't want this power. He didn't like this fear. God, he wished he was with Kurogane right now. Then, he wouldn't have to do all the scaring and threatening. He could hang back and act the fool, cuddling into his boyfriend, and everything could be some semblance of happy until he was forced to leave. How he had hoped that he could have died before Ashura found him! That he could be gone from the world before he was forced to abandon the life he'd created with the Gothix and, more recently, with Kurogane.

"Ward 5, room 2342," the woman said after a long moment.

"Ward 5?"

"Yes."

Fai's eyes narrowed, "If I find out you're BSing me, my father will hear about this," he threatened, sweeping away. It was an empty threat, but ward 5 was nothing to laugh at. It was the psychiatric ward; Fai'd been put in there ten years ago, after he walked into a room full of carnage.

He raced through the hallways, pushing past doctors and weaving his way through patients. Numbers escalated past his eyes, and he only slowed when he reached room 2341.

He leaned against the wall, his head spinning. He knew he'd have hell to pay when the painkillers he'd been given wore out. He straightened, limping the last few steps to his brother's room. His throat clenched tightly as he peeked through the large window next to the metal door; with an audible gulp, he turned the handle, stepping into the dim room.

"…I didn't call for anyone," a hoarse voice breathed.

He closed the door softly behind him, looking at the window. He couldn't even see the hallway—one way mirror, he realized. "…Fai, it's me…"

Sheets rustled quietly as the boy sat up in bed, frowning. "Yuui?" he whispered.

Yuui slowly made his way to the bed, climbing onto it. The state his twin was in was horrible. He was thin and pale; his hair long, one eye was milky white, scars traveling along his face, one eye covered by an eye patch. He hugged his twin tightly, shaking as he held the cool body against his own.

Yuui closed his eyes. He should be fine now. He had his brother to complete him—before, all he needed was his twin's company.

…It just was not so. He couldn't help but let his mind wander to Kurogane, wondering what his reaction would be if he found out about the fact that he was a twin. Would he be mad… or would he just simply be irritated at the fact that there was now two of him?

He hated the walls that he had set up for their relationship. He hated them now that his heart had grown past their limits.

_Complete, I'm calling_

_And all I scream for you_

_Through the rain, I'm falling_

_I'm falling;_

Fai trudged down the hospital halls, feeling like shit. He'd promised so many years ago that he would protect his brother. He couldn't.

He'd promised months before that he would always tell Kurogane when he was on the verge of crumbling. He didn't. Now he couldn't.

He'd promised Sakura years before that he'd never make her cry, and he'd promised months before that he would keep his eyes open. He couldn't keep that promise.

He longed for it so much that it hurt. A reassurance that he was _human_. That the blood that flowed from his veins was red, just like everyone else's. That he _did not_ deserve this.

Hell, after all the promises he'd broken, maybe he did.

He made his way back into his room, rummaging for something sharp. Surprisingly enough, he was able to find something. Under the bed, there was a broken piece of the metal frame that was just sharp enough to do. He stumbled into the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the sink, staring at his reflection in the silver surface.

Did he really want to do this?

His hand tightened around the shard, his eyes closing softly. "It's easy enough to start back up… but it's harder to quit," he murmured.

Could he really break his promise to his brother? Moreover, could he break all the promises to Kurogane?

Fai laughed bitterly, "Well he broke his." He dropped his head to his palm, breathing slowly. "…no… he didn't."

Well, he wasn't going to cry just yet. He tightened his hand, the metal biting into his skin. He didn't understand what was happening.

Everything was spiraling out of control. He was slowly losing his grip with reality. Since August, Kurogane had been the one to grab his hand and haul him out of the pit. Maybe he'd become too dependent on the man, but…

"Nng!" Fai squeezed his hand until he could feel the metal enter into his skin, his entire arm shaking.

Why the fuck was he not allowed to be happy?! What was so wrong with that? Why couldn't he just keep something good in his life for once?! Did he have to push that person away? Did he do it on purpose? Or did he just unconsciously do it because he feared this moment?

Sitting alone, crying and hurt and lonely, longing for something, for someone, to take him away, to show him that he was loved. Did he push him away because he didn't want this moment to be like it was? Utterly bone crushing loneliness pressing in at every angle, the questions burning holes in his already battered heart?

He'd never had time to heal!

Tears fell like rain, mixing with the blood, rivulets of rust falling from his fingers.

Everything would just be so much better if he was never alive…

_Show me what it's like_

_To be the last one standing,_

_And teach me wrong from right_

_And I'll show you what I can be_

_And say it for me; say it to me,_

_And I'll leave this life behind me_

_Say it if it's worth saving me._

Kurogane wandered nervously about, searching for Fai's room. He moved the small bouquet of flowers that Sakura (again!) had talked him into buying from hand to hand, feeling like an utter fool.

He finally found it, shifting from foot to foot, irritated at himself. He pushed the door open, sliding in. "Fai…?" he called, sweeping his eyes through the room.

He caught a glimpse of Fai moving about in the bathroom.

He stepped forward, then froze, scowling.

"You are an idiot, do you know that?"

Fai froze, then whipped his hand behind his back, something small and metal falling to the floor. "H-h-hello," he whispered, his cheeks aflame. "Oh, are those for me, Kuro-myan?"

"Well, yeah, Sakura told me to buy them," Kurogane said uneasily, tipping his head to the side to try and see behind Fai's back. "I know what you did, so no sense hiding."

"Can't get anything past you, hm?" the blonde enquired, holding out his hand.

The senior stared at it, "Do you _want_ to die?"

"It's a scrape; seriously, don't go overreacting on me."

Kurogane dropped the flowers and grabbed Fai's thin shoulders, "_Do you. Want to. Die_?!" He hissed in short bursts, squeezing his boyfriend's shoulders tightly.

"Kuro-sama! That hurts!" Fai whined, struggling to get free of Kurogane's grip. The older boy was starting to scare him; flashes of his father's face began to merge in his head, and he closed his eyes tightly to rid himself of the comparison.

He couldn't lose him. There was so much he'd yet to have; he'd yet to learn. Not after a year. Too short, too short. He'd never let him leave. He'd defy death to keep Fai near him if he had to. It was selfish, but as long as Fai wanted…

"Fai," he said finally, dropping his hands from the blonde's shoulders. "Just… answer me clearly. Do you not want to be here anymore?"

Tears fell from Fai's eyes, "Yes I do!" he cried, grabbing onto Kurogane's shirt. "Please, take me away from here!"

Take me away, he begged, before it's far too late. Soon, if you don't take me away soon… I'll be gone!

"Then why have friends? Why make someone care about you? Or do you want someone to cry when you die?"

"I don't want anyone to cry, dammit!" Fai hissed, "I'm not!"

"Don't run away from this," Kurogane warned.

Fai set his teeth on edge. "Then tell me! What do you want me to do!? What am I doing that's wrong; fix it! Fix me! If you knew at all, Kurogane, you'd have no idea why I don't just shrivel up and die! No, wait, you would, because you'd know how much I desperately love you!" he screeched, tears breaking his voice.

Kurogane's eyes widened, and Fai stood in shock.

The blonde's hands instantly scrabbled to his mouth, clamping over his lips. The color drained from his face, and he shook his head. He wasn't supposed to say that; he told himself never to say it to Kurogane's face. He shouldn't say it at all, even, but he'd already broken that a long time ago. Saying it to Kurogane was the last barrier keeping him safe. As long as they kept their relationship to general affection and sex, Fai could let go somewhat when the time came.

Telling the older teen that he loved him, however… Left so many doors open. So many places he'd rather not leave vulnerable defenseless.

"What… did you…?"

Fai shook his head, "Forget it, please," he begged. Too much. Too much. It could end now. All end. Forever. No more weeks left to spend, no more days left to hold onto. He was so frightened for the end that was to come… that he'd brought it on himself.

"Did you… just… say?"

Fai couldn't remember the last time he'd ever seen Kurogane so confused. Well, he'd never seen the teen like this. He stood for a few more, silent, awkward moments…

Then he was certain. Kurogane wasn't going to answer him.

He couldn't take it any longer.

He pushed past his boyfriend and ran to his brother's room. He was safe… somewhat… there.

_Heaven's gates won't open up for me_

_With these broken wings I'm falling_

_And all I see is you;_

What do you do when someone confesses their love? Especially like that.

Dramatically. Frantically. Pleadingly.

Fai was so open at that moment. The truest he had ever seen his boyfriend. In that moment, he could see to the bottom of Fai's heart… and he saw himself.

It was scary. Was this how men felt when their wives or girlfriends told them they were pregnant?

A shudder slid down Kurogane's spine. Damn, he was glad Fai couldn't get pregnant.

He sighed. Fai.

This was a problem.

Here he was, wanting the blonde to open up to him, and Fai did so. Maybe for the first time, too. It wasn't like he didn't want to trust the other boy… it was just… hard to. He hid everything, even his body, behind layers of clothes he didn't need and jewelry and a persona… When all the layers were peeled away, Fai was…

Well, broken.

He'd sworn to the boy, back (god, was it only a year ago!?) when they'd first talked about Fai's cutting, that he'd help the boy. He'd help him heal.

"Heal," Kurogane scoffed, "Probably just stuffed another knife to him."

He sat down on Fai's bed, staring blankly at the walls. He wondered if this was how his boyfriend felt all the time; fraying. He could barely remember this morning's incident, much less how he made it from the bathroom to the middle of the hospital bed. Things like memory slipped away from him easily at this point.

It was too much for him to deal with—he was always in control. Always… except when it came to the blonde junior.

He dropped his head into his hands, sighing.

It wasn't like he was the best person in the world. He never was.

The closest thing he'd ever been to pure was back before his parents were killed. Then he was turned into a murder. If it hadn't been for his aunt and her influence, he probably would have been moved around the country if he hadn't been put into jail. He had a temper and was prone to violence. It was something he worked hard to control. Sometimes… he lost it. He always regretted it—if he had the chance; he'd replay this morning all over again.

No… it wasn't like he was an angel. More than likely, he'd end up in hell for some of the things he'd done.

He sighed again.

"You know… Fai was checked out over an hour ago," Sakura said, standing in the door, her arms crossed across her chest. She looked very unhappy.

"But wasn't he here for…?"

"Twenty-four hour observation, I know. I checked him in. But…" Sakura bit her lip, "He called his _father_, Kurogane. That man! That horrible man!"

The girl stomped her foot, her arms falling slack against her sides, her fists balled up. "That man is the reason he's attempted suicide so many times! He promised me, Kurogane, that he'd live life! He's not living if he just gives up!"

Kurogane stood, shaking his head, "I don't get it."

"What's not to get? Don't you understand him at all!?" Sakura cried, hiccupping softly.

"It's not like he'll ever let me in."

Sakura shook her head, stomping her foot once more. She opened her mouth to speak, but her cell phone interrupted her. She whipped it out of her pocket, gasping as she answered it, "Fai?! Where are you?"

'_I'm at the hotel, Sakura-chan.__ You act like I've been kidnapped or something,' _Fai said. Kurogane could hear the laugh in the boy's voice; even through the speaker, it sounded fake and forced. _'I'm in my room now. I'm going to sleep this off, okay? No worries, right, Sakura-chan?' _

"You better stay there," Sakura said, snapping her phone closed before Fai could answer.

She turned her eyes upon Kurogane, "We need to talk," she demanded.

Kurogane couldn't say no—Sakura meant business, he could tell from her eyes. The girl was mad… And Sakura had proven before: If she was determined enough, she could do anything. …And it scared him to no end, because he was on the receiving end of her death glare.

_These city walls ain't got no love for me;_

_I'm on the edge of the eighteenth story_

_And all I scream for you_

_Complete, I'm calling;_

_And all I need from you_

"_You called me," Ashura remarked, looking at his son in interest. _

"_Yeah," the blonde said sullenly. _

"_Why would you do that, Yuui?" _

"_Because… the hate… it's needless now." _

"_Because of your brother?" _

"_Because I've given up," Yuui sighed, dropping his head into his hands. "It's no use fighting anymore…" _

_Ashura shut the car off, undoing his seatbelt. He turned in his seat and reached forward, trailing his fingers through Yuui's hair, then across his cheek, "Where did you get this bruise?" _

_Yuui shuddered, stammering, "Well, Kurogane… found me… after…" _

"_Ah. Is that why you've given up?" _

"_It's no use in caring anymore. He doesn't love me. I'm not capable of being loved. It's all my fault." _

"_You're not my son, you know." _

"_I know, you never wanted me or Fai." _

"_No. As in, you're not my biological son." _

_Yuui frowned, surveying his father, "Are you… certain?" _

_Ashura nodded, "I have money. I can do the tests—any moron could figure it out." He reached into his center console, and in a second, a gun was pressed to Yuui's forehead. _

"_Beg," he commanded. "Tell me why I shouldn't shoot you right here. Tell me why I shouldn't toss you out to Infinity and let them tear you to shreds for sending me to jail." _

"_I!" _

_Yuui shook his head… All his life, he wished for death. The cold metal bit into his skin, death seconds away. Why shouldn't Ashura pull the trigger. Everyone in Celes knew who he was… and this rainy day was just the Infinity's type of day for a hit. It was just like his father's mafia to do that. Then drop DNA tests in his lap, letting blood fall onto them like the rain that fell outside his window. _

_He'd go to hell if he died. _

_Kurogane would cry if he died. _

"_I don't want him to cry!" Yuui whimpered, "I promised!" _

"_Who did you promise?" _

"_I promised him, and my friends! My school! Everyone who hears me sing! I promised them I'd live! Fai and mother! I promised Kurogane I'd live!" _

"_Then do it," Ashura said simply, withdrawing his gun. "Don't be half-assed in things." _

"_Don't sound like Kurogane," Yuui sniffled. _

_Ashura patted his son on the head. "Let me drop you off with your aunt."_

"…_thank you dad." _

_Ashura ignored Yuui, driving along the rain slicked roads like their conversation had never taken place. _

_Through the rain, I'm falling_

_I'm falling…_

_Show me what it's like_

_To be the last one standing,_

_And teach me wrong from right_

_And I'll show you what I can be_

_And say it for me; say it to me,_

_And I'll leave this life behind me_

_Say it if it's worth saving me._

_Through the rain, I'm falling…_

Fai leaned against the railing, his hair matted to his face with rain. He might not have much time left, but he'd make the most of it, he supposed.

He hoped that his feelings could be returned. It was a hard thing…He'd been alone practically his entire life; it was nice to have someone to love, even if it hurt. He needed to hear Kurogane say it, even once. That one reassurance would be enough to wash away everything. He could prove himself, show Kurogane he wasn't all empty promises and lies. So here he was, waiting…

H sighed, leaning his head against his hands.

A slip. A crack.

Down.

_And all I need is you;_

_Complete, I'm calling…_

It had only been five minutes into their little 'date' and Sakura had already dragged everything out of Kurogane and onto the table.

"Honestly, Kurogane-san, I think it's a ridiculous thing to fight about," Sakura said tartly, sipping her tea.

Kurogane snorted; Sakura was all politeness and business like now. No more angry shouting of his name.

She looked at her companion with a hardened look in her eyes, crossing her legs. "Won't you admit it?"

"What is the deal with him anyway?!" Kurogane snapped, slamming his fist down against the table.

Sakura sighed, setting down her teacup. "Boys are such thickheaded creatures," she sighed elegantly, waving to Tomoyo as she passed by. Tomoyo giggled in amusement at her friend's obvious frustration with her cousin. "Kurogane-san, do you realize that all the people Fai-san has ever loved have left him?"

Kurogane blinked, reeling as if he'd been slapped. "Well…"

"There's been this entire business with his father and such ruining our trip," Sakura murmured in distance, running her finger along the edge of her cup. She rubbed her fingers together, watching sadly as the ember liquid dissipated between her fingers. "Then his relapse, which, can you really blame him?"

Kurogane opened his mouth to protest, and then closed it with a heavy sigh. "No, I don't," he whispered. "I should have gone to him when I had the chance…"

"Don't go blaming it on yourself!" Sakura snapped. "If you're angry about it, be angry; just don't blame him or yourself!"

"That makes no sense."

"Really," the girl sighed irritably. Kurogane looked around, highly uncomfortable. Briefly, he wondered if the girl was PMSing, because, really, this sort of behavior was very un-Sakura like, but ever since the incident in August, both she and Fai's moods had been squirrelly. "You don't get it. Anyways, then, the one thing that Fai-san has to take comfort in is you. He doesn't come to us anymore," she said sadly, dropping her gaze. "I wish he would sometimes…"

Sakura fell into silence, then huffed. "There once was a time where he told me everything; before I went out with Shaoran-kun, I dated Fai-san," she informed Kurogane sharply.

Kurogane gasped at this new fact; "What?!"

Sakura nodded, fidgeting a little. "We share a lot of the same pain, Fai-san and I do… We had to go through life without our other half. When we were born, and to the day they died, we had someone who knew ourselves so thoroughly, it was like we were one person instead of two… And to be suddenly ripped away from that inexplicable bond… is like torture. It's the highest form of loneliness to suddenly be alone in a room full of people… Horrible things come from loosing a twin, Kurogane-san, and Fai-san was never able to recuperate." Sakura fell silent, then cast a sad glance over to the table where Shaoran sat, reading a book; "And in some ways, neither was I."

"But my point is, Kurogane-san; you are his other half, much like Shaoran-kun is mine. He wants you; he needs you to love him."

"But we…"

Sakura raised a hand, "It doesn't matter if you two go on dates, kiss, or if you two have even slept together. It's not my business, so don't tell me. Even so, if you _have_ done all of that, there's nothing like the fulfillment of being told you're loved! Fai-san's lived his entire life with being told that he wasn't loved, or wasn't needed! He thinks that now that you know some infinitesimal part of his past that you no longer want him, nor love him. In fact, you refusing to answer… has caused him no pain like any other he's ever been exposed to, or inflicted upon himself."

"You sound like an old woman, Sakura," Kurogane said, raising an eyebrow.

Sakura laughed, "Sometimes that happens. Now the question is… Do you love him, truly? I won't let you touch him if you don't."

"Now I can really tell you're the ex," Kurogane sighed. "Yes," he replied after a minute, "I do."

"Then shoo! I have a date," Sakura said lightly, rising from her seat.

Kurogane needed no other instructions; he left, pausing only in the hotel's store, buying something on an incredibly corny whim. After that, he rushed to their room, going at top speed.

He slammed open the doors, examining the room. "Fai?" he called, walking into the bedroom. His boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. "Fai?" He walked through the bathroom into the living area. Still no Fai. A familiar feeling of dread began to fill his stomach. Every bit of peace that had filled him from his decision now was replaced with a hardened fear; what if he never got to tell Fai?

Suddenly, he realized that the door to the balcony was opened, and he rushed out into the rain. "Fai?!" he shouted, realizing that there was no one on the balcony. "Where the fuck are you!?"

_And all I scream for you_

Every ounce of energy was devoted to hanging onto the railing. Every second that passed by, every onslaught of rain and wind drained him even more. He was cold, and he was tired, and he was hungry. Even more than that, he hurt. Not a physical pain; the rain and wind had frozen him beyond the state of feeling… no… his heart hurt, and his pride hurt.

He should just let go. What difference would it make if he let go and let his eyes close? If he fell asleep, fell into the peaceful oblivion that waited for him? It wouldn't hurt at all.

Fai grit his teeth and diverged a bit of energy to shake his head clear of the suicidal thoughts.

No, no, no! He would not die! It was too easy, too easy to imagine… His body on the ground, Sakura's screams—he'd promised long ago not to make her cry; oh, how he'd broken his promise so many times! Shaoran and Watanuki trying their best not to show their tears… and Kurogane…

What of Kurogane?! Tears fell down Fai's face, mingling with the cold rain. God, it was just too hard to accept. Would the older teen even come looking for him? He'd screwed up so terribly this time, he wouldn't blame Kurogane if…

Then he heard his name…

"Fai, where the fuck are you!?"

Fai opened his mouth, water trickling in. He swallowed hard, then screamed. "KUROGANE!"

Kurogane whirled up on the balcony, hearing Fai scream. For the first time in his life, he felt like he was going to faint. A hand… holding onto the balcony's bent railing for dear life.

Fai's hand.

He stood, rooted to the spot in horror.

"KUROGANE!"

Kurogane yanked his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed as quickly as he could.

Fai could hear the older teen's frantic shouts, and he closed his eyes, grimacing. He called to Kurogane again.

Kurogane dropped his phone, grabbing Fai's wrist tightly.

"You dolt, what are you doing?!"

Fai looked up, smiling, "H-h-hanging ou-out."

Kurogane grit his teeth, reaching his other arm out over the bent railing, bracing his feet against the slick concrete and metal; "Grab my hand you dumbass," he shouted. "You heard the lady! So why did you come out here?"

Fai's face went blank, "She's my auntie, you know," he whispered, dropping his head. He could feel Kurogane tugging him up, and gravity yanking him downwards. While his weight was no problem for the senior under normal circumstances… he wondered if he'd survive this stupidity.

Kurogane could feel Fai shake under his hands; he griped tighter, trying to find purchase in the rain-soaked skin. He could feel his feet sliding out from under him, and he scrabbled. 'Hold on. Hold on at least until emergency services get here…'

"She looks a lot like you," Kurogane commented. "I noticed it when we first got here."

"She's my mom's twin sister."

"Mother must have been pretty."

"She was. Twins run in the family."

"I heard."

"Wh-what?"

Kurogane readjusted his feet, bent halfway over the railing. He could feel one of Fai's wrists slip in his grasp. 'Hold on. Hold on. Keep him distracted so he'll stay relaxed.'

Sirens began to blare in the background.

"Sakura told me. Was your mom as good-looking as you are?"

"Prettier," Fai mumbled, smiling blankly. "My name's not Fai, by the way."

"Huh?"

"You see… I had to take my brother's name after the trial. My father runs a mafia. I wasn't safe."

"What's your real name?"

"… Do I have to tell you?"

"I'll tell you something interesting if you do," Kurogane offered, tugging at Fai's wrists.

Fai winced softly. He could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness. He dug his nails into Kurogane's sleeves, gripping his boyfriend tightly. "It's Yuui."

"… I like it."

"I don't."

"Too bad."

"What did you have to tell me?"

Kurogane growled, watching Fai's eyes grow bleary. His head lolled back against his shoulders and his hands grew limp, "I love you, you dumbass!"

_Through the rain, I'm falling_

_I'm falling_

_I'm falling…_

He never could quite remember what happened next. The last thing he remembered was hearing Kurogane screaming at him, and an odd sensation that felt like floating in water. When asked about it, he'd laugh, and say that Kurogane remembered more about his near death experiences than he did.

This was entirely true. Even years later, Kurogane would still have nightmares about what happened; the horrible sensation that flew through his body when Fai's hands slipped from his own. Or the burst of strength that some god out there delivered to him that allowed him to grab Fai and haul him up.

All they knew was that it happened. …And that Kurogane would never again let Fai near a balcony.

_Show me what it's like_

_To be the last one standing,_

_And teach me wrong from right_

_And I'll show you what I can be_

_And say it for me; say it to me,_

Fai sat, once more, in a hospital bed, staring at his arm. "You know…"

"Don't say it, I'm not writing a damn thing on that cast."

"I hate hospitals," Fai interjected, sighing. He leaned back into the pillows, avoiding looking at Kurogane. "When can I leave?"

"Dunno. When the doctors say so."

"But it's already been an entire day," he whined.

"Maybe they're scared about releasing an idiot like you into the world!" Kurogane snapped, shifting in his own bed.

"You don't like hospitals either, do you?"

"No. Not really."

"Ah. That makes two unhappy Gothix."

"Actually, all of us are unhappy. At you."

"Shut up."

Kurogane chuckled, sliding out of his bed, sitting on Fai's. They'd been fortunate enough not to have fallen. The worst injury of that came from the fiasco was Fai's broken arm. Every thing else was treatable with aspirin, a blow-dryer, and a heated blanket. "Hey, idiot," he drawled, reaching out to stroke Fai's cheek. "Let's go on a date after we're released. You owe me."

Fai blushed, nuzzling into Kurogane's hand. "Alright," he whispered. Deep in his heart, he knew it'd be their last. "I love you."

"I do too. Now, promise me you won't do anymore dumbass stunts," Kurogane demanded, pulling Fai's face to his own, staring into the junior's blue eyes.

"But! Being saved by Kuro-sama at the end makes them worthwhile!"

"Do you want me to go gray early?!"

"Eeew!"

"Then I suggest you stop!"

Fai leaned forward, kissing Kurogane chastely. "I'll try my best. That's the best I can do."

The senior huffed, settling in Fai's bed. He pulled the blonde close. "What can I do?"

Fai opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a nurse coming in with their clothes. "Mr. Flowright? Mr. Suwa? You two can go now. The doctor's signed the release papers."

Kurogane sighed in relief, getting out of the bed. He helped Fai out, then handed the blonde his clothes, changing into his own. He patted his pockets, smirking as he found that the item he'd bought the day before was still intact. "Let's go on that date, huh?" He held his hand out, blushing slightly.

Fai smiled, grabbing Kurogane's hand, "I know some good places around here."

"Really? Good meaning actually good, or really ridiculous?"

Fai only gave a musical laugh, pulling Kurogane along behind him.

He led him through the town, to a small cliff that had a region roped off for observation. "I liked to come here when I was a child. Mother loved it here. You can see the valley really well right here," he said, pointing.

Kurogane looked, then laughed, "It's very green."

"Well, it's prettier when it snows!" Fai huffed, putting his hand on his hip. "It's not my fault that we had to come during the off season!"

"Yeah, I remember Shaoran saying something about snowboarding."

Fai smiled, nodding, "And skiing. Celes is famous for its winters. Everything's so pretty, covered in snow. I love it…"

"Do you miss it?"

"Mmm… well, sometimes."

Kurogane wrapped his arms around Fai's waist, "I guess you don't really like it in Koryo, huh?"

"It's not that I don't like it, it's just… winters there are too short. I wished it could've done more than rain while we were here… It never snows back home. Not real snow. Too far south for that… I'd like to spend a Christmas with you up here, everything covered in snow. You'd like it, I think…" Fai spaced out for a moment, but then chuckled, "Or you might hate it a lot."

The senior sighed, slowly letting go of Fai. He took a step back. "Fai… What can I do?"

Fai closed his eyes, holding Kurogane's hand to his heart. He understood the meaning right away. "Tell me about yourself. Tell me how you got so strong, how you came to notice me… Teach me to be like you, so I can grow up. If you can do that, I won't let you down, I promise."

Kurogane pulled Fai's hand forward, and the blonde blinked his eyes open inquisitively. "Only if you tell me first."

"Now?"

Kurogane shrugged, "Why not?"

The boy closed his eyes, "I told you most of it yesterday. I thought I was going to die, so I thought… 'I'm going to lose him, one way or another'," he said softly.

"I'll never leave you."

"_I_ might leave _you_," Fai said cryptically.

Kurogane smirked, then slid something onto Fai's finger. "You won't now. You wouldn't dare," he challenged, letting the blonde pull his hand away.

The kendo member watched smugly as Fai's eyes went wide, "What is this?"

"What do you think?"

Fai surveyed his finger; wrapped around the base was a slim band of silver, a light blue stone set in the middle. Around which were swirls of engraving that, when Fai looked closer, turned out to be an engraving:

'_Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference…'_

"It looks like a ring," Fai said faintly, his cheeks growing a nice shade of dark pink.

"Damn right," Kurogane said gruffly, kicking the ground. "… there's another one," he said finally.

The blonde blinked, "Really? What does it say?" He reached out for Kurogane's left hand, "You're wearing it, right?"

"Well… _kinda_…"

He grabbed his lover's hand, pulling it close. Kurogane's was of similar design, only thicker, with no stone. The words spiraled across the metal, winding in upon the center.

'_To every thing, there is a time to every purpose under heaven: a time to gain, a time to lose, a time for love, __and a time for hate; a time to embrace…'_

"Are they… like…?"

Kurogane flushed, "They were sold as a set. Like a promise ring or somethin'," he muttered, averting his gaze from Fai's. "I figured it'd… you know… help… or…yeah."

_And I'll leave this life behind me_

_Say it if it's worth saving me_

_Through the rain, I'm falling_

Fai's eyes widened in shock, his face shining with joy. He opened his mouth to speak, but when nothing came out, he simply shook his head, throwing his uninjured arm around Kurogane's shoulder, shaking softly.

"You don't have, to, like, wear it or anything," Kurogane said brusquely, reaching out to rest his hands on Fai's waist.

"I'll wear it," Fai gushed, looking up at his lover. "I'll never take it off. You have made me a very, very happy person… _I love you so much_."

A rare smile worked its way onto Kurogane's face, and he hugged Fai tight. "And you thought you could scare me away," he chided, kissing the blonde's face.

"It would have scared me away," Fai whined, the smile on his face contradicting his complaint.

"That's you, dumbass."

"So you'll save me, right? Next time I fall down? Huh, Kuro-koi?"

"I may just push you off this cliff if you don't kick the crap."

Fai laughed, then leaned up to kiss Kurogane deeply. The two were so wrapped up in themselves that they didn't hear the multiple car doors slam, and feet coming their way.

"Excuse me; we hate to ruin the moment," a man called, tapping Fai on the shoulder.

The junior pulled away, spinning around to look at the speaker.

His face paled, and all the joy seemed to evaporate from the air. He backed up into Kurogane, shaking his head. His hands scrambled backwards, grabbing at his lover, his nails digging sharply into the older teen's arm.

Four men in black suits stood in a semicircle around the two, looking somber with their arms crossed.

"Mr. Flowright, you need to come with us."

"Fai… who are these people?!"

Fai turned to look at Kurogane, tears in his horrified eyes. "The...they're… the US Marshals…" he whispered. "_I knew it_… I'm so sorry!"

_And say it for me; say it to me,_

_And I'll leave this life behind me_

_Say it if it's worth saving me_

This was the saving Fai had been speaking of. The boy didn't need rescuing from his father, or his past, or even the mafia. He'd been 'rescued' from that…

What he needed was to be saved from being saved.

He could've been the one to take him away…

But it was far too late, and he doubted he'd ever see the blonde boy with the broken smile ever again, no matter how much he wished for it.

"I still love you."

Even now, years later, he'd whisper it up to the sky, no matter how tired or hurt or depressed he was. He'd always find a way.

Because he still hoped to be the one to save him.

* * *

**A/N2:** _Oh. My. God…. You guys are going to kill me, right?? Anyway… Here's ten things to know about this chapter: _

_1__)The prologue for the 'real' story; go read it—it speaks briefly about Kuro and Fai's reunion. They meet again—go read the 'real' story to find out. _ 2) _Yes, they were engagement rings. Kuro's too shy to admit that. Fai knows it, though. _3) _Fai's ring bears an adaptation of the serenity prayer, while Kuro's is an adaptation of Ecclesiastes 3.1-8. (Interesting how that works, hm?) _4) _The US Marshals are part of the Witness Protection system. Fai's confidentiality was breached, and so he had to be moved, STAT because…_ 5) _Ashura is the head of the mafia in Celes, called "Infinity". It's really more of a gang than a mafia, but it's family operated, so I opted to call it such. The Flowrights are very, very, very rich because of this. _6) _The real Fai was in a coma for nine years. _7) _Ashura really isn't Fai's real father— his real father's identity is yet to be known, not even to me. Freya was his mother (from Chobits). His cousins are Sumomo and Hatoko. Ashura really isn't evil… Well. Mostly. He loves Fai and his brother dearly (Fai is his favorite to torture, so I think that love borderlines on the incestuous type...Uh…), and only wants them to get away from the lifestyle he leads, as he was born into it. His motives are sorta pure… Maybe. (He's just fun to write…)_ 8)_Celes is in Ruval County, up in the north section of the United States; if I were to put it anywhere, it'd be Washington or something. Koryo would be in California. Koryo is part of Shirasaki County. I've just randomly placed them in the US, because… well… I was lazy. (No, they don't really exist in the US.) _9)_Tomoyo and Ameterasu are Kurogane's cousins. Sonomi (from CCS) is his aunt. Fai's first foster parent was Misaki from Angelic Layer. When she got married, Fai moved to Koryo, simply because he couldn't stand all the romanticism. _10) _Sakura corresponds to the clone Sakura from the original series, hence her determination. If we set chess Sakura into the world… Well, we'd get Gothix Sakura. She loves Fai dearly, and mother hens him a lot. Fai doesn't mind. Kurogane does sometimes. Sometimes Sakura minds Kurogane's relationship with Fai, but she's too kind to say anything about it. (Sorta like Touya minds Sakura's relationship with Syaoran.) Watanuki also cares a lot for Fai. Shaoran won't admit it, but he does to. He's actually closer to Kurogane than Fai, however, because of his personality. Since he corresponds to clone Syaoran, he's a little bit uppity. _


End file.
